hello everyone
hi to all my dearest friends, whom i cherish so much, and who have welcome me so warmly to this group, and befriended me. just wanted to say hi and a bit of whats happening. this morning my father in law fell. he lives with us and is 89 years old. got the ambulance to take him to hospital. his arm was broken and needless to say, with an 89 year old, many things were affected in his body. he became extremely emotional and he sobbed and sobbed. he began to say prayers, and told us all that he loves us and he is so sorry to leave us. we assured him that it is okay. then it was as if he was passing from one world to the other side and back again. he was crying and crying. then he said he saw his wife (who passed 2 years ago) and to tell us she loves us and everything is okay. i asked him if he saw jess, he said no, he wasnt given the chance to see her. i was scared today, to maybe witness the passing of someone so soon after jessy. i cried and cried and cried until my husband had to bring me home and i passed out from emotional exhaustion. i am going through so much with khaely and her bipolar. i am scared becoz i am THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD who can handle her episodes and as much as i feel wonderful about it, that i am her mom and that she feels so comforted by me, it scares me that no one can help me. it feels like i am in this alone. like jess, somehow i feel like no one feels as a mom does, and in a way also feels alone. jarod is ADHD, and is driving me CRAZY! he's nearly nine, he is naughty beyond what anyone can imagine. he is on long acting ritalin, but even still he just tries me and tries me and tries me. well, thats how it feels anyway. and tali who is 5, copies him, and i am so tired. so very very very tired. i wish i could just sleep for 3 days without ANY demand. but i cant even get out for an hour without getting "emergency calls", that khaely is screaming and lashing out and going crazy, or jarod is running around on the roof, or pulled a cupboard door off and is stuck underneath it, or tali is crying for mommy. im so tired. thanks for listening. luv jan
Replies
Hi Jan, sorry you had such a rough day. hope that things get better and easier for you today.I understand the feeling, some days it is a big ask to function. take care my friend. lots of love Robyn
I am so sorry that you had a terrible day. How is your father in-law doing.I understand what you are going through and how hard the demand is on you. Just remember that you have friends here who care and are willing to talk with you. When you are feeling overwhelm with everything, just go and take a five minute break away from it all. I hope you feel better and I will be praying for you and your family. love.. Kathy
You really have your hands full. I\'m so sorry that you can\'t take care of yourself first. That is the challenge of motherhood, we seem to come last. I hope you can remember that there is a time and a season for everything. I remember my kids at that age and the demands that they required. Remember they grow up and need us less as they spread their wings. I didn\'t have to grieve on top of those demands so I\'m sure you are exhausted. Maybe you can call on any support that can be given from friends and family and just have a day or two to yourself. You need to get some rest and relaxation if possible. We function better rested. My thoughts and prayers are with you friend. There\'s always some one here for you to vent. Much love. Robin
What a full plate you have my friend, I\'m exhausted just reading about it. I\'m sorry things are so chaotic for you right now. I\'m sure you were very scared when your father in-law fell. I\'m glad it wasn\'t more serious. I find comfort in the fact that he saw his wife. I think that\'s wonderful and I\'m sure she\'s waiting to welcome him to the next part of life when he crosses over. I know it will be a sad time for you though. Hopefully he will recover quickly and be able to enjoy a longer time here with family. I have no advise about the kids. I have no experience with any of these issues. I sure wish I had the answers for you. All I can think to say is to do all you can to make sure your family and friends understand what you\'re going through and that you need help. It\'s just too much of any one person...even a mom. Robin is right, we HAVE to take care of ourselves in order to take care of anyone else. Maybe you could do some research on line and find community help/programs that can at least give you a couple of hours to yourself. Just make sure you ask for what you need. Tell people how they can help. Don\'t feel bad for asking. Ultimately what you do for yourself will actually help your children. You\'ll be more relaxed and calm and hopefully that will transfer to them. Sorry I don\'t have more to offer, but know that I\'ll be praying for you and sending you positive energy everyday. Love and hugs, Teri
Hi Jan,
It seems our lives are always crazy even while we try to deal with grief. Your father in law seems like he is slowly crossing over and I know this is all so hard for you. I am glad you read him the prayers that is so important to him. I really feel that the Jewish faith has helped me so much with dealing with my son\'s death. Iknow now that G-d is incharge and that he is the power of all of us. He has your daughter in his hands and she is with all of our children in the Children of Moms Only group.
Love Camille