hello everyone

hi to all my dearest friends, whom i cherish so much, and who have welcome me so warmly to this group, and befriended me. just wanted to say hi and a bit of whats happening. this morning my father in law fell. he lives with us and is 89 years old. got the ambulance to take him to hospital. his arm was broken and needless to say, with an 89 year old, many things were affected in his body.  he became extremely emotional and he sobbed and sobbed. he began to say prayers, and told us all that he loves us and he is so sorry to leave us. we assured him that it is okay. then it was as if he was passing from one world to the other side and back again. he was crying and crying. then he said he saw his wife (who passed 2 years ago) and to tell us she loves us and everything is okay. i asked him if he saw jess, he said no, he wasnt given the chance to see her.  i was scared today, to maybe witness the passing of someone so soon after jessy. i cried and cried and cried until my husband had to bring me home and i passed out from emotional exhaustion. i am going through so much with khaely and her bipolar. i am scared becoz i am THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD who can handle her episodes and as much as i feel wonderful about it, that i am her mom and that she feels so comforted by me, it scares me that no one can help me. it feels like i am in this alone.  like jess, somehow i feel like no one feels as a mom does, and in a way also feels alone. jarod is ADHD, and is driving me CRAZY! he's nearly nine, he is naughty beyond what anyone can imagine. he is on long acting ritalin, but even still he just tries me and tries me and tries me. well, thats how it feels anyway. and tali who is 5, copies him, and i am so tired. so very very very tired. i wish i could just sleep for 3 days without ANY demand. but i cant even get out for an hour without getting "emergency calls", that khaely is screaming and lashing out and going crazy, or jarod is running around on the roof, or pulled a cupboard door off and is stuck underneath it, or tali is crying for mommy. im so tired. thanks for listening. luv jan