Hell - day 1
I wish I believed in God. Maybe I've died and come to hell. That's where I would go if God were judging me. Everything hurts. Moving hurts, sitting hurts, lying down hurts. It's akin to scratching fingernails against a blackboard; it's unbearable more than it is painful.
I haven't done laundry in a couple of weeks. I don't know where my fresh underwear is. I haven't worn underwear in a long time. I don't know when the last time I showered is. My lower back hurts and the gp wants to check for a UTI. If only she knew what kind of disgusting junk I live in: anyone would manage to pick up an infection.
Talking hurts. Being stupid hurts, being unresourceful is living my worst nightmare. Nothing to do here. I want to pick up the pieces, I know I can. Then I pause and wonder why I should.
I thought everything that happened before it was just a phase.
I haven't done laundry in a couple of weeks. I don't know where my fresh underwear is. I haven't worn underwear in a long time. I don't know when the last time I showered is. My lower back hurts and the gp wants to check for a UTI. If only she knew what kind of disgusting junk I live in: anyone would manage to pick up an infection.
Talking hurts. Being stupid hurts, being unresourceful is living my worst nightmare. Nothing to do here. I want to pick up the pieces, I know I can. Then I pause and wonder why I should.
I thought everything that happened before it was just a phase.
Replies
That is a real tough day for anyone to cope with. Your previous journal is very painful. I have been in a really close way to you and I can tell you it did get better for me. peacefrog1.
Hi Peacefrog,
It was a tough day. Days like that come and go; somedays I feel horrible about everything, somedays I am busy putting up my best fight. I hope things do get better. I just want things to get better and stay better. I used to feel this way before suddenly I felt very (generally) happy and functional for about 10 months. Then everything went back to what it was before, it got worse. We\'re both here for a reason though, and I need to stay and try to find out why. Your support means the world to me. Connecting with people means the world to me; I guess that\'s part of what life is about: just connecting with others. Besos!