Heavy Heart
I haven't written in a while and just staying in my coccoon in the midst of being really busy with school winding down, Hunter graduating and just life. I am on a hamster wheel that I can't seem to hop off of right now ....SIGH
My heart is heavy with medical issues of two very close people to me. Very good friends of ours who we have vacationed with, spent endless hours with over the years and we just love them! John has been diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease that is progressing rapidly. His breathing is now affected and there are insurance problems in getting what they need. Hard life decisions are having to be made and as I listened to Patty the other night pour out her heart, I cried with her. My heart is so heavy - he is only 60 and this disease is so damn ugly in it's progression. There are issues with his daughters to add to the complexity of it all......Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers when they come to mind.
One of the school nurses here whom I have known for 6 years has been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer that a routine mammo 2 years ago missed. How can that be? We all think when we get a letter in the mail stating, all is well, come back next year, that we can breathe a sigh of relief.....but in this case, it was missed. So now she is waiting on the best treatment option if any, it will be agressive for sure and she is off work for 1 year......aww, I am so sad......Life sometimes deals these hands that all we can do is say, I fold, I will be there, listen, cry and pray but in the midst of all that, my heart is heavy with sadness.
Hunter is graduating this Friday eve - when I am @ home I will try to post a few pictures or hit FB - I am so very proud of him. sure miss his mom, sure miss my mom in being able to share this moment in time....it's just me, with a heavy heart loving him, smiling and being there....I'm tired, so very tired - Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer you would be so proud.......
Thanks for reading - wish it could be more uplifting and positive, but today I am heavy with sadness.
Hugs and so much love, Vicki (Jennifer's mom)
Replies
Hearts do seem heavy lately. How sad to hear of your friends. ALS how horrible. How did he find out it was ALS. It just takes someone so fast. Watching our childrens children graduate growing up so proud of them but our hearts wants our child to be here, to see the pride in their faces. We can and are so proud but its bittersweet. Kens son grad from High Scool the wish Ken had he wanted to be thee or but the mean cancer the body could not fight. Now he has grad from college and on to Grad school. I am proud and know Ken would be...So uch sadness comes. Seems the pain never goes away.. How sad you must feel your friends going through such saddness. Sending my love to you. Prayers for tose that you have mentionedd...My heart aches with you.
Congratulations to Hunter on his graduation. You have every right to be a proud grandma. Jennifer would be proud of you both.
I am so sad to hear of your friends very bad health news. It is hard to see the people we care about hurting and going through difficult medical treatments. I hope you will find the gentlest way to encourage and support them. Thinking of you and your Jennifer.
XOXO Debbie
Congratulations to dear Hunter as this is a momentous time and of course you so wish that Jennifer and your mom could BE here. It is times such as this that really make one pause, don't they and feel all that we need to. He has come such a long way, Vicki, and I have no doubt that your constant presence has been his "everything" in more ways that you might ever imagine.
I am SO sorry about your friends and I have no doubt that your companioning means the world to them. Life changes in a heartbeat and facing these health issues is huge and is filled with every emotion imaginable. I will never forget how I felt just two years ago this month when I lost both my Linc and Rebekah within about two weeks of one another. My heart too was incredibly heavy and still is as I long to be able to speak and connect with them and cannot in the ways that I always hoped I could. Deepest of sighs...
You remember to tend and care for your own heart as you water the gardens of others. Honestly, I just felt as if your mom had me write this to you... I think you will understand this more from her right now than from me as I'm just the messenger.
Loving care to Jennifer's mom from Douglas and me,
XO Joanie
Vicki, this is a safe place to let it out. You don't have to feel like your entries have to be uplifting. It's just good to share and feel what you need to feel. And it helps all of us, I think, as we come together to support each other...it strengthens us.
I loved seeing Hunter's graduation pics on FB. He's so handsome and you are one gorgeous grandmother. The love you have for him is apparent and I know you being in Hunter's corner has made such a difference in his life. Wishes for continued success for your dear boy. I know you miss Jennifer and your mom at these milestone moments. When Eddie's son Josh graduated college my heart was heavy too. So much bitter with the sweet - I understand.
I'm so sorry to hear of these terrible diagnosis for your friends. I will pray for them.
Sending you lots of love at this tender time. As Joanie said, take care of you and your loving heart.
Love to you and dearest Jennifer, Linda ♡
Journals don't always have to be uplifting....they just should always be real...the good, bad, and ugly of our life experiences shared so we can learn from and comfort one another. So, thank you for sharing your REAL with us.
It's So hard to get such scary, life changing....and life stealing....news. I'm so very sorry. Many prayers and much love for your friends, their families and all who love them.
YAY HUNTER!!!! I saw the pictures on FB....such a handsome fella! I know Jennifer has the most brilliant smile on her face as she's telling Kala and all the other's "that's my boy"! Momma's pride transcends space and mass and time. You betcha sh'e proud!!
Love you sweet friend, you just hang in there and remember to pamper yourself from time to time!
Understanding your thoughts today and hoping you have some peace in the mist of coping. Great Job Hunter, you and Jennifer watching over him are the very thing he needs. You have been so supportive and he knows he can count on you for sure. Its a blessing. Love, Kathy
Yay, hunter! Right there with you, so tired.
Way to go, Hunter! And his grandma. Congratulations to you both - and Jennifer, too.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friends - AlS is such a miserable disease, I pray he can find some peace with it - his family too. It makes me sick that people in need have to battle insurance at a time when they are so vulnerable. I hope your nurse friend can get on a protocol that will give her some hope - I do know of people who have done well for quite a while after a similar diagnosis. In fact someone I volunteered with has been cancer free for ten years after having had a diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer and a six month life expectancy - maybe not the norm but there is always someone who beats the odds. ( By the way, a great book is " Uplift" by Barbara Delinksky - I read it every night when i was going through treatment for BC. )
You take good care of yourself as well ~ Joanna x
I am so sorry about your friends. ALS is indeed a dreadful disease and is relentless. And metastatic breast cancer is awful, especially since it was missed on the mammogram.
Happy for Hunter. You have been a wonderful grandmother to him.
His mom should be there to see him graduate! No justice.
Love and tight hugs, Marlene
Saw Hunter's picture on face book!! Such a happy occasion, for him and you. He is a handsome young man.
My closest friends for over forty years, the husband died of cancer seven yrs. ago. It is so hard to lose friends, who are really "family" to you
Love and congratulations to you and Jennifer ((((HUGS)))), Julia.