Heart to heart talk,,,

Wife and I noticed that like clock work I have anxiety every afternoon so I have been taking benadryl as it shows up as itching. It works and each day the anxiety outburst is getting less and less. But we sat down and I admitted that these first two weeks have really been hard not in terms of wanting to use..but in terms of being very irritable. I apologized fro being short with her and tried to explain that life feels so sureal and raw right now and this will subside in time. Its incredible when you want to change how much you experience psychological changes that seem to be fighting against your daily l;ife that have nothing to do with urges..I feel like a mess from time to time in my mind and my body and its at this time of evening sitting down and writing to this fellowship that i can finally relax...today was a great day inspite of what i have talked about because there were no urges and im not in the street...we paused at the corner and a panhandler came to the window and i gave him 5 dollars..my wife commented he was gonna buy crack and this was an awakening for me to hand him the money because i really dont ever have to be where he was and could see it from the other side of the fence... i dont plan to give my money away to drug addicts but i needed to do this just to appreciate where i have come from and to never forget it..because it only a relapse away...and so life moves on....this note today took me to tears,,,