head talk gone wonk - y.

morning is exhausting. 
did you ever wonder if you have an alternate life happening when you think you're asleep?  no, not like multiple personality apps on the loose taking over your body or your cell phone........but something that explains in a blockbuster movie way why you're so freakishly tired, why your legs feel like cement.
hands that go numb............when am I going to win a helper for life?  someone who will bring me a glass of cold liquid cow on a silver tray......  i know ---- stick w/water right now.......i got the queasies.
an arm that has this dull cold ache......i rub it ----- so tender.  where is my beddy bear?  if i could nuke him for a minute - put it on my arm would the pain shut up?
if i could think my way to health i would..........i work on the positivity of it all..............my head must weigh 34 lbs this morning.......can you tell me if it looks as swollen as it feels?  my neck is tender.......i'm broken.  yup, just like pretty woman's opera glasses.........mine are broken.  even richard gere can not fix things.
i try to put a good spin out into the universe most days............i try to be like that little ant pushing the rubber tree plant........cause i got high hopes.  i'm not unhopeful.........just feeling puny and anti putter.
i took my meds, fed my furry little secret agents...........when i woke up this morning Annie was tucked in on my right side and Rio tucked in on my left side.  that shoulda been my first clue. (usually they are at the end of the bed,not today)              two kitties on the alert........ready to take a bullet for their sparrow.  brushed my teeth and got toothpaste all over me.  seriously lacking coordination........wiped it off and thought fuggedaboudit.  who cares?  forgot to comb my hair..........i'm out of order this morning. finger combing hurts tender skin.  did i wash my face? dunno. it's tme (too much effort) to be, is this the def for out of service?
did anyone get a memo that i would be out of service today?  limited motion, dexterity......slip sliding skills...........big sighs all packed up tight inside my parachute.  i'm sitting on the inside of the airplane........too tired to fall out.........not a good time to think about a bucket list.
vaguely wonder why people bungie jump.  i can't even jump rope.  oh dear what can the matter be, johnny's so long at the fair.............yup, my brain is actively EXHAUSTED.  random thought, little productivity...........sick to my stomach. 
here's the deal bird girl..........sign off, go back to bed.  rest.  see if you can nap for awhile.  don't worry so much.  don't waste your tinky tinky energy matter thinking about stupid people, places or things.  save it for gooooooooooood stuff ok?
my neck is so tired of trying to hold up this overinflated bowling ball of a head...................too much pain & pressure.  too ornery and stubborn to die............most of the time i have a disgustingly deep pool of hope.  so here i am then.........gotta get over the stupid crappy speed bumps........get in the bed and stop chattering like a magpie.  what is a magpie?  this is a rhetorical comment.......not anti magpies, just anti rainbow colored care bear in this exact moment.  that's right, i'm feeling like a don't care bear.......don't have the energy to stomp my foot, so i'm key stomping. smashing the keys helps a little............$##@#%$#^$^%$^@%^#@&^%$@%$#@!!@#%$^^$#^&%$&*&*(()+)(&J*(%^&^, not cursing, just key stomping...........it feels kind of good. huh..........i think i have just enough steam to find my bed.
stop typing birdie........you are not feeling very well, it's ok, it is..........grab some water and have a lie down...........c'mon, i'll help you .........ugh.  pain is sooooooo rude.