he's too easy; it's only been 4 months

he's too easy. it was just too easy. he's so willing RIGHT NOW to do anything. there's not even a build-up, no kind of time to work up to the forever.... no time to work up to the things i want to do, the secrets i want to share, the very most-special things.... i mention i enjoy blood, and the next minute he's on amazon ordering scalpels; then the next time we get intimate, he goes for the mutherfuckin scalpels, as if that's what i want, justlikethat. he's so fuckin eager, and i can't stand it. he's just too damn easy. it's like i don't even have to work for it. i'm. . . . i don't know, bored? i feel already that i've lost interest. because i know he'll obey my every beck and call; that he'll forgive my every sin; that he'll change himSELF or hurt himself to be with me or to "make me happy."
i need a man who is strong in himself. i need someone who doesn't put me on a mutherfuckin pedestal. i need to feel as an equal. it's as if he's a fuckin doormat, and i'm already walking all over him.
what have i gotten myself into?
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there's also his friends. close friends say alot about a person, no? i just can't wrap my head around hanging out with his closest friends. what is wrong with him?
why was i attracted to him in the first place? why did i feel as if he is the one, as if he has always been the one?? was it out of desperation? did i want to fix him? did i want to show him i'd be a better girlfriend?? i'm missing my single life.