He's Getting Clean...Again.

Well, after a long haul he's finally decided he needs help.  He's leaving on Wednesday to go back to a detox center for the month.  He did it two years ago and it helped.  Of course he's depressed because he failed and has to go back but at least he's going back.  Of course, before he leaves he had to go and buy a full bottle of vodka.  I mean after all, he just finished one and there's nothing here so he's gotta get toasted tonight and tomorrow.  I hate to admit it but I'm actually relieved he's going away.  It's a month where at least I know he's safe and getting help.  Why do I feel guilty for feeling this way?  I have nothing to feel guilty for.  I've stood by his side these past years as his depression and anxiety goes up and down.  We ride that roller coaster together.  I've put up with him tossing our friends aside or making them leave.  I've put up with the drinking.  So even though I feel like I'm spent, I can survive two more night with him and his drunk self.  I have to get up and go to work but he can stay home and sleep it off.  Ugh, I can't believe I'm angry to boot.  I just want him to go.  I said it now.  I can't help it.  I need this month to clear away all the negative energy and get myself back on track.  I want to eat healthier, and just have some me time.  Is it terrible to feel this way?  I know deep down it's not and I have nothing to feel bad or guilty about.  I just need to calm down and relax.  Things will work out.  I can't worry about whether it's going to work this time or not.  I just need to let it happen and hope for the best.  If nothing else, it's a month to myself.  Fingers crossed.