He's dead.
He's dead. I'll never get an apology, a reason why he did all those things to me, a chance to see him change for the better, a chance to show him the person I will become in spite of him, the chance for REAL closure.................and as angry as I am...as bad as I kinda feel for his family, I am even more so happy. He hurt me so badly and ruined my life for years. Because of him, I lost soooooooooooooo much, and still sometimes am affected by what he did.....he is pure evil [*WAS pure evil, not "is"]....and even though I wish he would've been locked up and forced to face what he did for the rest of his life, knowing he's dead makes me feel......feel like, "that's exactly what he deserved!" I know it's wrong, but right now, I feel like he got what he deserved.
Why am I so mean.
Why am I so mean.
Replies
Warning: possible trigger alert.
I don\'t think you\'re mean. I think you\'ve got a sense of justice. I think you\'re right - he got what he deserved. He\'s gone, and he\'ll never hurt anybody again. I fantasized about doing in the man who raped me. He broke into my apartment, surprised me from behind and raped me at knifepoint. Then 2 weeks later he jimmied the bedroom window while I was in the shower, surprised me from behind and did it again. \" I wouldn\'t want to have to hurt you\", he said, holding the knife against my neck. I didn\'t know who he was - he wore a mask and I didn\'t recognize his voice. After that I armed myself and fantasized what it would be like to get rid of him. I didn\'t like what I saw in my fantasy though, or the way it made me feel - . I knew that I wouldn\'t really want to destroy another life, no matter how much that man took from me, and no matter how miserable his life was. I didn\'t want to allow him to twist my mind like that. That\'s one thing he could not take away.
So in my opinion, you are not mean; you are appreciative that justice was served. And very important - he\'ll never hurt anyone again. I\'ve been reading about how many rapists do it over and over. I can understand how you\'d feel sorry for his family because the man is dead. I often feel sorry for the families when they discover that a family member has been hurting people, and how bad it makes them feel, if they are good people.. I\'ve seen many families apologizing to the people who have been harmed.
You said \"He is pure evil,\" but you might need an update on that - he WAS pure evil. Now he\'s gone, and you can concentrate on healing without the fear of knowing he\'s still out there, or the hopes that he might change. He may never have faced what he did, no matter how long he lived.
Congratulations on doing better in school, and the progress you\'re making toward befriending/dating a good man. Rape can really derail your plans, so it\'s great that you set goals to keep that from happening, and are making progress. Good for you!
Thanks so much :) I know I\'m late in seeing your comment, but it still touched me even now. I understand what you are saying, and it\'s so true that he can\'t hurt anyone else now. I will definitely change \"is\" to \"was.\"
And I am sorry for what you went through. I hope you are able making great progress as well. Rape really does mess everything up. I hope you are well, and are doing well to heal from your attack also :)