He Responded

So in my last journal entry I said that I emailed J last night.  I woke up this morning and he still hadn't responded so I was happy as hell this morning.  I felt so blessed that the mistake I made had just seemed to go away.  I realized after I sent the email how fucking dumb it was.  Don't get me wrong- it needed to be done- but the inherent value gained from doing something that needs to be done is the only good to come from this.  I knew no matter what he said, it wouldn't erase what he did. 
So yeah- I thought he wasn't going to respond- Wrong!  Wrong!  He responded.  Of course he did.  He couldn't miss an opportunity to fuck with my mind.  But here's the awesome part- I fucking deleted it!  That's right- didn't read it at all!  And it felt amazing.  I looked at it and my heart stopped.  I decided right then that I wasn't going to do anything until I calmed down.  I waited for a minute.  Then I contacted a friend, discussed my options.  Then it came to me- just delete it.  I remember another time in  my life- almost 10 years ago- I was with another man similar to this one- and this happened with him- I wrote him a fuck u letter and he responded and I deleted it.  It was a symbolic way of saying "It doesn't matter what YOU say b/c I'M done."  That's what this was also.  It doesn't matter what he says b/c it's me that's done.