He is Toxic

I have to create this list so I have something to come back to during the weak moments.

He is toxic for me because:

-he lied to me from the beginnnig (not having a girlfriend to than telling me he does have a girlfriend and she lives with him)

-he was never able to give me the emotional support I would look for in a friend

-when I wasn't with him, I didn't feel comfortable. I was left overanalyzing and overthinking what he said or dissecting messages

-I felt like I was hanging on a string with him- around when it worked for him or was conveneint. I made myself too easily accessible.

-Open communication was challenging- I had to filter what I said to him/what emotions I expressed due to worry that I would say something to "scare" or "spook" him

-I often wondered how intellectually stimulating our conversations could be and doubted he could provide much of a challenge for me in that regard

-I never experienced such feelings of insecurity as I did when we were in contact

-Our efforts were dispportionate- I felt like I was giving more than I was getting

-I felt like I lost my self-respect because of how obsessed I would become with the idea of him/our conversations

-He disappeared on me. I have a choice to love myself enough to walk away or sit and dwell on someone who doesn't respect me. Why would I accept disrespect? Why would I willingly choose to focus my time and energy on that poison? I have a choice to walk away and I hope the door hits him on my way out