having to be clinical with myself, everything is work
I don't know if this will make sense, or help anyone, I hope it helps.
I found today that going with my feelings isn't always possible - I know that
because I kick my butt at work and life - but to just take care of the hard stuff
today - specifically, having myself go for a walk - a thing I knew would brighten my spirits
was something I was going to avoid by laying on the couch. But I knew I couldn't do that -
this was clearly 'front and center' 'me taking care of me' today - and I had to treat myself like
a patient and do those things - clinically- that I knew would be the remedy.
So I went for a walk - and my mind was appeased for a little while - and then it came back to attack
me a bit - but in truth overall 'the walk' was a remedy...and I thought about my parents' who are on a business
trip - I took a pic of my view while on the walk and texted it to them. Told them they're on my radar
and just felt like I was a competent man. All of it - the need to take care of myself and take care of my relationships
and work - it's all work - but that is life and so it feels like a fight but nourishing.
Sending peace and good thoughts out there to you guys.
Namaste and good health,
Mark
Replies
Hm-m-m-m. . . Would "treating myself clinically" be what I currently call, "Detachment?" That is where I step back from the situation just far enough to see symptoms as something other than character defects and moral deficiencies. It makes it easer for me to ply therapy tools in place of further self-abuse. Just wondering. . .
By whatever name, you are definitely on to something important here. May you one day lose the fight instincts far enough to find joy in your work. Personally, I don't mind retirement, as long as it doesn't get in the way of my work.
Here's to your finding balance in the moment and following up with a task to help move it forward!
actually it I don't know if it was a good idea. I feel so messed up, like i have lost my truth - this illness
has wreaked havoc on my life and right now I can't wait to talk to my therapist again who will have me
feeling some bright side to things. I so appreciate you guys - I try and write things down that will be helpful/
useful because I want something good to come of my struggle but I just don't know.
sending peace and good vibes.
thanks arfie and Mid. I don't mean to trigger you by my upset. Arfie I definitely think you are on to something for yourself.
I think that is what my doctors are trying to help me with as well...And Mid I thank you for your positive spin on things and support! Peace.
Self love and self care are Huge tools in my mental health and a balance for me....I'm a work in progress with the self love/care, personally I think it's on going for life. One thing I do 'self care' is when I really don't want to do something like go for a walk, I just don't...that to me is self care. Don't know, but to me sounds like to are doing a ""should"" which can be very negative and punishing to yourself.
thanks Mary Louise!