Having my arm twisted!

There are some people who no longer want to know about any problems with me and Frank, so I have avoided talking about it. But, this being DS I still need to vent.
About 1 month ago Frank made the comment in a joking voice that I would lose him if I didn't go ahead and buy a house so we can live together. I KNOW THIS IS NOT FAIR! I do eventually want to buy a home of my own and move from where I am but he basically has given me and ultimatum. We have been looking at houses. I don't feel right about it. He's asked if I've talked to my financial advisor. Have I spoke to the realtor anymore, etc. He wants to save money to help pay for his "divorce lawyer" and so we can live together. He knows he cannot stay in this house because it's co-owned by my sisters. I've already been told by one sister that they'll try to sell this house if he moves in. He says he'll pay utilities and buy groceries. Good for him. It's just not right for a man to expect a woman, on disability, who has only a small amount in investments that her father left her, to buy a house for him. It's not right. My blood pressure has gotten high again. My anxiety is bad again. My depression is bad again. I won't bring up to him what I think and feel about this, but when it does come up I'll have to tell him. That may signal the end of our relationship but to be honest, it's just been too much for me. I care for him but he's putting me in a bad spot. If he cares for me he'll GET A DIVORCE and be a man and help buy a house for us. I'm calling a lawyer today, per a sisters advice, and find out what an uncontested out of state divorce really costs. If I find out it's cheaper than what he claims, she says I can call his bluff and tell him he's lying. He thinks I'm a lonely, quiet girl with a bit of money and he sees a great opportunity to get what he wants because he thinks I'm weak. I'm tired of being weak. If I lose him, surely I can find someone else. I will be lonely, but I can make it.

Replies

capncrunchbud
capncrunchbud

How long has he been married? Is his wife after half of his stuff? Did he sign a prenup? Why didn\'t his marriage work? And what\'s he doing with you? And what are you doing with him? I don\'t think you should share a single expense together (let alone major expense like a house) before getting married. You have a place all your own and I presume he has someplace he\'s living. I\'m a real stickler for stuff like this. It\'s possible to rip people off without ever telling a single \"lie\" too, btw. Not saying that\'s what\'s happening here, but you need to call his bluff, not fall FOR it.
stitch
stitch

I won\'t comment much since you know how I feel and capncrunchbud says it too. But how about the next time he says something to you say why don\'t you buy the house and I\'ll pay the utilities and groceries and see what he has to say.
Kacey1228
Kacey1228

Yep, you\'re both right. I\'m so exhausted putting up with his playing with my emotions. Oh, I got online and got his lawyers phone number and called him. No good news there, either. I didn\'t tell him I did, though.
sunflower10
sunflower10

So Sorry to hear this ! Listen to YOUR GUT FEELING ! Do you realize your Gut Feeling is Usually ALWAYS RIGHT ? You shouldn\'t have to Buy a House for Any Man. Make sure he gets Divorced !! And Check and See if he is telling you the Truth or Not ! Watch out for him - look out for the Red Flags-- Be Careful -

And if It does NOT work out with him---- You will Survive - That Song - I will Survive - you can do it- you can - I\'d rather deal with feeling Lonely - and then get Strong and Heal-- so I can Move on --- to a New Life- especially if he\'s a Liar and a User..... Watch out for Red Flags Kacey ---
Listen to Your Gut Feeling-- that is usually always right !!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sorry to hear you going though this, but I wanted you know that I am thinking about you and hope everything works out for you.
dazedanconfusedd
dazedanconfusedd

Kacey darlin\' I will NEVER JUDGE YOU and you know that. As you remember I was in a BAD situation for way too long and you never once told me what to do, so I will not tell you what to do. When we talked I pretty much told ya what I thought. All I will say is be careful. You have a house to live in that is paid for. If YOU want to buy a newer house then that is a wonderful thing, but please don\'t do it because he needs help paying for his divorce. You ARE STRONG! You had come so far with your anxiety and you sounded so good when we talked, so please don\'t stay in a situation that is making your anxiety come back in full force. If you want to date him...WONDERFUL, but please don\'t let him \"demand\" a thing. You are not his wife and even then he still wouldn\'t have that right!

Follow that gut of yours! You are beautiful, funny, fun to talk to and a decent human being that has done nothing as long as I have known you but be nice and helpful to everybody you meet. Don\'t let what happened with the russian guy happen again...You have come TOO FAR for that!
Love ya girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!