Having hope and preparing for the worst
I keep this little card with a small rosary taped to the inside and it has a picture of Saint Michael in the inside as well. Saint Michael happens to be the Saint of miracles. It is said that,when a person prays to Saint Michael to pray the one time then you must believe that the issue of your need for a miracle must be taken as if it has already been asked and done. So in other words after I pray to Saint Michael to believe in my heart that my prayer has now been answered. It also says that I will no longer have to keep praying to him for the same thing. Just believe in my heart that it is already done. Mann, I really try to do that. I have always had the best of luck in my life. I guess I've been pretty fortunate when it comes to certain things that cause's me to cry and pray. But this one thing is so very important that I am not too sure I will be as fortunate. I still am using. I still haven't quit yet. But, I have prayed as spoke to the Lord, even though he already knows my thoughts. I told him with dealing with this depression so severely and anger and more depression packed on top because of my grandmother. That it's too hard for me to stop because of the pain I have within. And not knowing how to deal with my coping mechanism. So I run to the only way I have ever known to deal with my emotions. But when my daughter gets here, I don't care if I have stuff in my position still. I'm not using anymore. I said ,when I hear the judge say those magical words then I am done with this life style. I've also been going to the Methadone clinic everyday to get my body back on track. So when I do call it quits, it won't be so hard on me. I hope I'm doing this right cause I want nothing more to be a mom. I've missed so much already that it's horrible to think about. I hope I'm not getting my hopes up to high.
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Aww.. I am sorry to hear you are going through such hard time. I am praying for you also. Hugs things will get better!