Having a really lousy day
So I went to my tdoc and mentioned that I was having suicidal thoughts and he kinda just blew it off. I suppose that since I don't have a specific plan (although I think my preffered way to go would be an overdose. I tried that once before) and I told him that I don't want to hurt the people I love so I guess maybe I didn't sound dramatic enough...maybe cause its not as dramatic as other people. It feels like a big deal to me. I don't like being this close to that edge. I wish I had better insurance because I would want to do a partial outpatient hospitalization. I think it would help a lot. But whatever. I can't, so I am stuck in this bullshit situation with no way out for at least a year. I know that isn't forever but it feels like a decade. I can't find a job that I can count on myself to keep in order to sign a lease somewhere near where I want to live and so Mom is the only recourse. Heving a horrible awful day. Please pray for me.