Having a really lousy day

So I went to my tdoc and mentioned that I was having suicidal thoughts and he kinda just blew it off.  I suppose that since I don't have a specific plan (although I think my preffered way to go would be an overdose. I tried that once before) and I told him that I don't want to hurt the people I love so I guess maybe I didn't sound dramatic enough...maybe cause its not as dramatic as other people. It feels like a big deal to me.  I don't like being this close to that edge.  I wish I had better insurance because I would want to do a partial outpatient hospitalization.  I think it would help a lot.  But whatever.  I can't, so I am stuck in this bullshit situation with no way out for at least a year.  I know that isn't forever but it feels like a decade.  I can't find a job that I can count on myself to keep in order to sign a lease somewhere near where I want to live and so Mom is the only recourse.  Heving a horrible awful day.  Please pray for me.