Having a really hard time today.
I want to definitely journal this for today. So far it is one of the most trying days since I quit smoking. I am dying for a cigarette. I am watching my new neighbors (who I don't know) parents sit out on their patio and both of them are smoking! I am totally mezmorized by this. I can't stop the craving. Why don't I walk away and stop looking out the window one might ask? I'm stuck here stirring noodles for a spaghetti dinner tonight. I wish I could walk away. I even am remembering the way it felt to take that first drag right when you light up!!!!! Ok that's it for now, I just didn't want to forget this moment!
Ok, it's later and I've already done my jogging for the day, and also took a nice long walk with the dog. Sometimes I think I spend more time with the dog than with my own kids. Now that they're growing up they need me less and less. They're even cooking for themselves :( Hey, it'd be great if they didn't need me to do their laundry too......oh that would be sooooooo nice, but that will never happen.
So, I didn't smoke after all. Whew.....it was close, and still is. I keep questioning myself, and then I think, all I have to do is make it through today, and then figure it out tomorrow. Hopefully it's like the drinking, the urges will slowly go away. Well, my depression is at a low for now, and boy am I glad. This is one thing I wish I could control. Depression is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Those and anxiety attacks are like slow torcher that lurks around and then get's you out of nowhere. Horrible. But like I said, it is at a low right now and I'm pretty happy with that. Now, if everyone in the world would stop smoking so that I didn't have to look at it, that would really make me happy!!! Hey, I heard yesterday that the FDA is going to ban menthol cigarettes by 2014. The reason is because most teenagers start out smoking menthol. You know what, I believe it's true. I started smoking Newport and then changed to Benson and Hedges ultra light menthol. Isn't that weird. They may be on to something here!!!! Hope it happens, because it can only benefit me by having less smokers in the world.
Well, that's all for now!!
Ok, it's later and I've already done my jogging for the day, and also took a nice long walk with the dog. Sometimes I think I spend more time with the dog than with my own kids. Now that they're growing up they need me less and less. They're even cooking for themselves :( Hey, it'd be great if they didn't need me to do their laundry too......oh that would be sooooooo nice, but that will never happen.
So, I didn't smoke after all. Whew.....it was close, and still is. I keep questioning myself, and then I think, all I have to do is make it through today, and then figure it out tomorrow. Hopefully it's like the drinking, the urges will slowly go away. Well, my depression is at a low for now, and boy am I glad. This is one thing I wish I could control. Depression is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Those and anxiety attacks are like slow torcher that lurks around and then get's you out of nowhere. Horrible. But like I said, it is at a low right now and I'm pretty happy with that. Now, if everyone in the world would stop smoking so that I didn't have to look at it, that would really make me happy!!! Hey, I heard yesterday that the FDA is going to ban menthol cigarettes by 2014. The reason is because most teenagers start out smoking menthol. You know what, I believe it's true. I started smoking Newport and then changed to Benson and Hedges ultra light menthol. Isn't that weird. They may be on to something here!!!! Hope it happens, because it can only benefit me by having less smokers in the world.
Well, that's all for now!!
Replies