having a hard time coping with my shadow side
I know I must keep gratitude alive.
I was thinking this mid morning in service
about the focus I have
and can have on
religion and stuff - I know I can be EXTREMELY
myopic - and that sometimes predilection for
'a linearity or way of things' seems to startle me and
make me wonder about being humane
and having humanity - I realize the linearity may be
a way to maintain my own comfort
level and safety as well as to create a system
so that things can be done on autopilot - rather
than having to take super care all the time and deal
with everpresent anxiety -
At times I seem to have an appetite for 'power
things' and such - I wonder if this is my own nature or somehow
a 'carry through' of the kind of powering down
that was in my formative years? Like stick your head
above the water line and you'll get powered down
and so now I carry that trait?? I hope not -
I know at times I can search for any virtue within me and it seems hard
and I know gratitude is something to hold onto and nurture.
My shadow side seems to bust through from time to time -
and frightening as it may be to consider I know we all
have a shadow side that we're having to struggle with
and sometimes be disappointed in ourselves with the way
we handle things and it.
I am getting ready for work soon. I sincerely hope things
are going good -
It feels good to get this off my chest,
Peace,
Mark
Replies
Mark, yes we all have a shadow side, God knows mind is more than a shadow, cloud and when it comes out into the light, it's not pretty. We are all human, we all do the best we can, and that is humanity at it's best. Every day Mark you seek out what is good, you project what is good despite the challenges of your thoughts...and that is all they are...thoughts..."They Are Not You" they arise due to an illness which you didn't ask for and do your best to control with medications and tools that you've learned over the years.
Lately I'm doing breathing exercises to reduce my anxiety, calm myself down since I learned about it the other day as a form to help me redirect my thoughts to choice a different thought, thus a more productive path...Apathy is not an option, Accept/Adapt and "Agency" my new word, I guess you could say I'm starting from the beginning with all A's for effort :) in any case the new breathing is taking a breath in throught the nose, then another on top of the first, then exhale through the mouth with a sigh....what really amazes me is that some thing So Simple can do So Much To Heal Mind/Body and Spirit https://www.bing.com/search?pglt=643&q=how+does+deep+breathing+reduce+stress&cvid=cd22a3418cfe4a6ca6b61d2c25c5fdbb&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBggDEAAYQDIGCAAQABhAMgcIARDrBxhAMgYIAhAAGEAyBggDEAAYQDIGCAQQABhAMgYIBRAAGEAyBggGEAAYQDIGCAcQABhAMgYICBAAGEDSAQkxMTU2M2owajGoAgCwAgA&FORM=ANNTA1&DAF1=1&PC=HCTS
Your a good person Mark, working hard to make a life for yourself and keep your head above 'that water' by keeping on keeping on <3
On a lunch break but just quickly sending hugs.
The shadow comes out when you have a lot to deal with or you feel vulnerable. Try self affirmations and yes gratitude you might have to get on medication to help anxiety
light/dark metaphors still give me physical eye aches, but shadow metaphors i can work with. the brighter the light, the deeper the shadows. our over-lit world is quite shadowy here in the light ages. when walking civilized areas at night, my arithmomania often obsesses over counting the shadows from single objects in the contemporary light wars. the record so far is 14 shadows from a single sign post. i often --very often-- believe that the brighter our world gets, the less enlightened we are.
but i digress. . .
i still can't conjure up proper emotions for the sake of propriety. when an emotion, such as gratitude, fails to appear when i think it ought, i seem to get further by keeping the faith that that blessed emotion is still in there somewhere, lurking in the deep, inky shadows of the light ages.
thanks so much Mary Louise! thanks Nikki! Thanks CCleaver! and Thanks Arfie!
I feel very lucky tonight because of your comments! :) :)
"""i still can't conjure up proper emotions for the sake of propriety. when an emotion, such as gratitude, fails to appear when i think it ought, i seem to get further by keeping the faith that that blessed emotion is still in there somewhere, lurking in the deep, inky shadows of the light ages."""
Thank you Arfie the above ...for me it's not gratitude so much as "Hope"...I have "Faith" and Gratitude, but Hope seems to be in those shadows lately, my only action is to try and stay in the "Now" because the shadows appear where the future is concerned.