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Another thing to engage

I feel like the past couple of journal posts I've been so narcissistic. No use in being self

abusive though - I finally came to another awareness in the journey of health management

and that is I don't just have to be responsible for all the things I am responsible to keep life going

professionally but I also have to be responsible for my wants and desires. I know that may seem

pretty obvious - but in terms of outletting my physical energy outside of work, that is something I have just begun to do again - with the hiking on weekend mornings...I just feel so dark now but the better news is I am better able to give to myself that physical activity and fun that I want - in my alone time -

and still manage to take care of my 'routine, job, family and friends' life.

I won't find myself ONLY in sitting still in reflection at all of the neatness and smooth going

of a well run household after work...there is more to me than that!

When with others my introverted nature might make me want to scurry back home to live

in that kind of cocooning (where it's safe to be me) - but what I did today was sense the appreciation for the Freedom to be myself when alone and then

Try and feel that appreciation when with others...

and then try and go back to being on my own in a similar way that makes sense to me..

This kind of play with status of how I find myself has inspired that sense or that elevated sense

of awareness that the idea of 'living with god' offered. A kind of touchstone. It's like an awareness that when I am on my own,

I need to take care of my physical energies including desires and wants.

It's not fair to force myself to think that I don't need more than just being responsible - when in fact

being self responsible has so much to do with understanding our 'whole nature' and then providing

for it. Does that make sense??

It's helping me in any case. :-) Peace and good vibes.

Mark

Replies

arfie 07/31/2022
armchair psychologists and romantic exes have so adored the "narcissism" dx that i'm utterly confused on what that means, but i had to laugh when you wondered it for yourself. markus questionarius narcissistic? i don't believe you have enough exes to be a narcissist.

but i've heard many a devout christian declare that self-awareness and self-care is narcissistic in the extreme. personally, i hold that self-awareness makes me a better tool for the doing of god's will. if nothing else, self-awareness helps me listen more serenely for her quiet voice.

yes, it makes excellent sense that depriving yourself of fun equally deprives you of understanding the whole nature thing, even for christians..

psalm 100 ~king james version

1 Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.

2 Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.

3 Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

5 For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

SensitiveHoboLady 07/31/2022
I don’t think you’re narcissistic Markus. A journal is for you anyway so you work out what’s in your head. But if you are feeling tangled up in your own self to a degree that you’re not comfortable with, then maybe make a kind of formula for your journaling so you don’t become mired with the Self.

Like maybe, 30% how you are feeling about yourself

30% how you are aware of interpersonal relationships…either family or friends or coworkers or community members at church….

And 30% how you feel one with God and therefore not alone?

Just thoughts!!!

I hope you have an amazing week. xo

malibumark 08/01/2022
thanks guys! i really appreciate it! Have a good week ahead!! x

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