Having a Fat Life
I'm having a heck of a time with weight loss. To tell you the honest to goodness truth, I'm not actively trying anymore. It just seems like too much.
I was thin, like, nicely thin, up until I was 21. I didn't know I was thin, I felt fat all the time. But now that I AM fat, I realize I was thin! Now I"m five foot seven and one hundred and ninety five pounds. And I'm rather embarassed.
Last December, January and Feburary I joined a fitness group. I watched what I ate, and I exercised three times a week for an hour with the group and on my own two days a week. I lost almost 20 inches all over my body, but I only lost 5lbs!!!! And I worked my tucus off. I felt really defeated. Only 5lbs in three months.
So I gave up the class, it was a hassle to fit it in as it was. But I don't have the get up and go to do it on my own. I go for one or two walks a day. During the daytime with Marlow, and at night with one of the dogs(they alternate). Plus, I do wii fit(if you call that exercise) and I try to get on the stationary bike, but it doesn't really happen.
I can't afford to eat that healthy. If that makes sense. We are on a budget that doesn't allow many veggies and fruits. Not to mention, in general, I hate fruit. Ugh. But anyways, due to budget, most of what we buy for the last month and a half has been frozen, instant and cheap.
And I'm stressed to the max. And I'm a stress eater. I also find it hard to eat during the day. Usually when Marlow is captured in her high chair my brain kicks into 'what can I do super quick while she eats and can't immediatly undo it' mode. For the last few days I have made myself sit down and eat with her at noon. But then I don't get hungry again until eight or nine at night!
Most of it is belly bulge too. My arms and legs are in great shape. Ok, well, my legs are in great shape. My arms are passable :).
And it doesn't help much that Joey is how he is. He doesn't ever compliment me anymore. We had a fight one day, and he told me, making sure to stress that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings(this was on the tail end of the fight) that I should try to lose some weight, becuase he doesn't want it to get to the point where he isn't attracted to me anymore. Or we will go to the mall and he will see a womans shirt he likes and say 'oh, that's a nice shirt' then he will turn and look at me and then back to the shirt and go 'oh, it would look great on you if you lost a few pounds'. I honestly don't think he is out to hurt me, but every remark stings. And he has been losing weight. I tell him all the time how good he looks. So after he has weighed himself, announces he lost another pound, then pokes my middle and walks off, I head for the cookies.
I've tried talking to him. And he tells me not to take it so personally. His own father has been picking on Joey's weight since he got bigger, so I think it may be second nature to him. He tells me he is concerned about my health with me being bigger. And everytime I look in the mirror....I"m fatter!!
I'm having a fat life. And I don't think I'll ever have a thin life again. I just wanted to vent a little. Get it out. But now I'll go back to my thin family and friends, after all, my fat self needs people to orbit around me!
I was thin, like, nicely thin, up until I was 21. I didn't know I was thin, I felt fat all the time. But now that I AM fat, I realize I was thin! Now I"m five foot seven and one hundred and ninety five pounds. And I'm rather embarassed.
Last December, January and Feburary I joined a fitness group. I watched what I ate, and I exercised three times a week for an hour with the group and on my own two days a week. I lost almost 20 inches all over my body, but I only lost 5lbs!!!! And I worked my tucus off. I felt really defeated. Only 5lbs in three months.
So I gave up the class, it was a hassle to fit it in as it was. But I don't have the get up and go to do it on my own. I go for one or two walks a day. During the daytime with Marlow, and at night with one of the dogs(they alternate). Plus, I do wii fit(if you call that exercise) and I try to get on the stationary bike, but it doesn't really happen.
I can't afford to eat that healthy. If that makes sense. We are on a budget that doesn't allow many veggies and fruits. Not to mention, in general, I hate fruit. Ugh. But anyways, due to budget, most of what we buy for the last month and a half has been frozen, instant and cheap.
And I'm stressed to the max. And I'm a stress eater. I also find it hard to eat during the day. Usually when Marlow is captured in her high chair my brain kicks into 'what can I do super quick while she eats and can't immediatly undo it' mode. For the last few days I have made myself sit down and eat with her at noon. But then I don't get hungry again until eight or nine at night!
Most of it is belly bulge too. My arms and legs are in great shape. Ok, well, my legs are in great shape. My arms are passable :).
And it doesn't help much that Joey is how he is. He doesn't ever compliment me anymore. We had a fight one day, and he told me, making sure to stress that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings(this was on the tail end of the fight) that I should try to lose some weight, becuase he doesn't want it to get to the point where he isn't attracted to me anymore. Or we will go to the mall and he will see a womans shirt he likes and say 'oh, that's a nice shirt' then he will turn and look at me and then back to the shirt and go 'oh, it would look great on you if you lost a few pounds'. I honestly don't think he is out to hurt me, but every remark stings. And he has been losing weight. I tell him all the time how good he looks. So after he has weighed himself, announces he lost another pound, then pokes my middle and walks off, I head for the cookies.
I've tried talking to him. And he tells me not to take it so personally. His own father has been picking on Joey's weight since he got bigger, so I think it may be second nature to him. He tells me he is concerned about my health with me being bigger. And everytime I look in the mirror....I"m fatter!!
I'm having a fat life. And I don't think I'll ever have a thin life again. I just wanted to vent a little. Get it out. But now I'll go back to my thin family and friends, after all, my fat self needs people to orbit around me!
Replies
OK - your writing style totally makes me laugh but what you\'re saying isn\'t funny. *chuckle*
I feel for you because I\'ve been there but my husband is totally supportive. Your should work on that so you have good self esteem and feel better about yourself.
I only buy frozen veggies and rarely buy fresh because DH doesn\'t eat any vegetables. In ten years that we\'ve been together he\'s eaten corn on the cob three times. So you could try that and just try to have a little at each meal. Most of it is about portion control anyways.
Set a goal and work towards it! I\'ll be here for you.
Hi there,
It isn\'t funny to feel fat. Heck, it isn\'t healthy to actually be fat. I\'m using the word \"fat\' as a term, not as a judgement.
It\'s great that you\'re trying to keep active. If you want to lose weight though and especially belly fat, you need to eat healthy. No matter how much you exercise, how many crunches, how many walks you take, fat will always be your friend if you intake glycose syrup and saturated fats. It\'s OK buying frozen vegetables but it\'s not OK to eat ready made meals if you wnat out of the fat.
I understand that budgeting is an issue, but health may eventually become an issue due to unhealthy food choices, and this might cost you even more in more than one ways.
I\'m talking out of experience, not trying to be a know-it-all person :)
Speaking from experience too (yo-yo dieter from way back), I think the biggest factor here is stress-related eating, not so much food choices.
Joey\'s comments (understandably) cause anxiety which leads to comfort eating. It becomes a vicious cycle. Most men don\'t undertstand that women\'s bodies function differently when it comes to weight loss or gain. It is so much easier for them!
What are some ways you could respond to his comments that would send the signal that they\'re not ok? It seems like he\'s trying to pressure you into feeling bad about yourself so you\'ll magically decide to eat differently.
If eating lunch with Marlow keeps you going until after dinner time, that\'s ok. You could put your meal aside for later and eat it when you\'re ready. Your body is telling you it has enough fuel at that time.
Sigh. The body issues! I just ate a bunch of chocolate and a slice of key lime pie... it was good. I try to give myself crap when I really want it. Otherwise, I try really hard to make the healthiest selections I can. I found that if I diet it will eventually lead to a binge. I\'ve been fat, I\'ve been skinny. But I think the best place to be is indifferent. I\'m a little closer to that lately and I\'m thankful. I just try to keep the lifestyle focused on what I know I need to do. But no beating up about comfort food. Period.