Have to go to the dentist again
I finally gave in and went to the dentist today and told them about the hole in my gums where my jaw is sticking out. I was going to try and wait for my follow up appointment on the 20th, but it's bad and it shouldn't be there. So I have to go in at the super early (for me) hour of 9am. I'm going to go to bed early tonight so I can be awake then. I think they are going to have to sew me all together, since the hole in my jaw never closed. I'm not looking forward to the pain I'm going to be going through. I will take a Vicodin before I go so I can be ready for the pain. It just hurts so bad. I get food caught in the hole and I have to use my tongue to get it out, so the hole can't close on it's own. I think that's why they are going to just sew everything together and let me go. It means more days of tomato soup and easy things to eat. We have plenty of rice and noodles, so it shouldn't be too bad. I just have to cook my noodles super soggy so I can eat them without pain. I don't know when I will be able to start having my bagels again. I have to be sure to eat something tomorrow morning before I go, since I won't be able to eat regular food for a while.
I know it's going to hurt. I'm not looking forward to it. My wisdom teeth came out fine and healed fine, and I was eating regular food within a day. This still hurts over a week later. I just hope they can fix whatever is wrong and get me back to normal. I haven't been able to work because of either the pain or the trazadone. It just sucks, considering I was getting close to getting a job at the clinic. But there's too much stuff going on in my life right now. My tooth broke on the day my Nana died, and since then it's just been pain and more bad news. All my teeth hurt now. I think it hit a nerve in the back of my jaw and it's causing the whole jaw to hurt. At least I know the rest of my teeth are alive. The one that broke had died somehow. The part on the inside of the tooth was black when it's supposed to be red. At least it was dead and I didn't have the excruciating pain of having a live nerve ending open. That would have been hell.
It's finally starting to hit me about my Nana. I cried on Geo's shoulder for about a half hour this morning, talking about death and not wanting to lose people. When I went out to see the dentist and I put on my Nana's rosary, I felt sad. I miss her. I miss being able to call her, even if it was just for a couple of minutes. I feel so sad that I didn't get to know most of her life. All the stories I've heard have been from other people. Although she did tell me that the most beautiful thing she had ever seen was a baby being born. I remember her telling me that when I went up there in January. That's the only personal story I have of her. I remember the day my dad died she was there for me, but that's different. I don't know how, but it's different. She was trying to protect me from the inevitable- finding out that my dad had died.
Mood today was bad... I spent the morning crying and the afternoon in pain. I just hurt on the inside. I know it's the depression, but it hurts. I don't want to do anything but lie in bed and sleep. Just to get away from my own thoughts. I need to go to sleep soon, though... I want to be asleep by 9 and it's almost 8. I don't know how much trazadone I should take tonight.. I think I will just take one pill and then take klonopin to get me to sleep. My only worry is waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to sleep. I do that a lot when I have to wake up early. My body doesn't want to sleep past it's alarm, so I wake up before the alarm, many times.
Food today was okay... I was low on calories again today, but not by as much as yesterday. I haven't really felt like eating much with this tooth pain. I wish I had more soups to eat. I have one can of tomato soup left. I also have some cans of cream of mushroom soup, but I don't like it plain. I have to have it cooked in chicken or pork or something. I might make that tomorrow for dinner... chicken with mushroom soup. I can eat the soup with rice or something else easy to chew. That, or go with chicken noodle soup. We are getting towards the time when we need to go to the grocery store again, and so we don't have a lot of choices for food. I want to get more zucchini... I really liked eating it last time. I want to try fried zucchini as well. It's a soft food, I can eat it
I know it's going to hurt. I'm not looking forward to it. My wisdom teeth came out fine and healed fine, and I was eating regular food within a day. This still hurts over a week later. I just hope they can fix whatever is wrong and get me back to normal. I haven't been able to work because of either the pain or the trazadone. It just sucks, considering I was getting close to getting a job at the clinic. But there's too much stuff going on in my life right now. My tooth broke on the day my Nana died, and since then it's just been pain and more bad news. All my teeth hurt now. I think it hit a nerve in the back of my jaw and it's causing the whole jaw to hurt. At least I know the rest of my teeth are alive. The one that broke had died somehow. The part on the inside of the tooth was black when it's supposed to be red. At least it was dead and I didn't have the excruciating pain of having a live nerve ending open. That would have been hell.
It's finally starting to hit me about my Nana. I cried on Geo's shoulder for about a half hour this morning, talking about death and not wanting to lose people. When I went out to see the dentist and I put on my Nana's rosary, I felt sad. I miss her. I miss being able to call her, even if it was just for a couple of minutes. I feel so sad that I didn't get to know most of her life. All the stories I've heard have been from other people. Although she did tell me that the most beautiful thing she had ever seen was a baby being born. I remember her telling me that when I went up there in January. That's the only personal story I have of her. I remember the day my dad died she was there for me, but that's different. I don't know how, but it's different. She was trying to protect me from the inevitable- finding out that my dad had died.
Mood today was bad... I spent the morning crying and the afternoon in pain. I just hurt on the inside. I know it's the depression, but it hurts. I don't want to do anything but lie in bed and sleep. Just to get away from my own thoughts. I need to go to sleep soon, though... I want to be asleep by 9 and it's almost 8. I don't know how much trazadone I should take tonight.. I think I will just take one pill and then take klonopin to get me to sleep. My only worry is waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to sleep. I do that a lot when I have to wake up early. My body doesn't want to sleep past it's alarm, so I wake up before the alarm, many times.
Food today was okay... I was low on calories again today, but not by as much as yesterday. I haven't really felt like eating much with this tooth pain. I wish I had more soups to eat. I have one can of tomato soup left. I also have some cans of cream of mushroom soup, but I don't like it plain. I have to have it cooked in chicken or pork or something. I might make that tomorrow for dinner... chicken with mushroom soup. I can eat the soup with rice or something else easy to chew. That, or go with chicken noodle soup. We are getting towards the time when we need to go to the grocery store again, and so we don't have a lot of choices for food. I want to get more zucchini... I really liked eating it last time. I want to try fried zucchini as well. It's a soft food, I can eat it
Replies
i am so sorry about the pain and the hole not healing, something is definetly wrong. about nana and grief, it is good, though very hard, that you are starting to feel the death and the grieving process has begun. as i learned there are many layers, like an onion, to pell off and go through. i understand about not having memories, only stories, this is the way my children know about thioer father, they have no real memories and i feel so bad for them. hang in there, i am thinking of you.