Have I loved you enough...?
Dear friends, this piece was read at church yesterday... The service was about listening to your heart and finding a balance between inner and outer lives especially during December. I got shivers as I listened to these words... it turns out to be part of a Mother's Day piece. Wow.
Read it as if you are talking to your child. If you have other children or grandchildren maybe you can envision saying it to them... or if that's not possible, just feeling it, andliving it would be incredible. This feels like a very healing move to me... the question Byron asked last week: "Was that the best I could do??? Was I really not able to do better for Andy?" We can connect to the love with this... and forgive ourselves.
Ok... now... Try it again as if you are talking to your best friends, the ones who have helped you find your way through the grief. (maybe FMO people!) Then again as if you are talking to yourself. After our children died, we probably had a very hard time loving ourselves. I am still working on this. Naming the pain, and then the love... through writing... is such a gift. Have I told you? Have I thanked you? : )
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Meditation
Do I know you well enough, so that I would recognize you from a great distance, from the tilt of your head, the sway of your step, or the merest whisper of your voice? Have I looked carefully at you, and noted the texture of your skin and the color of your eyes, so that when you are miles from here, I can see you easily in the space reserved for the most precious memories? Have I trusted you enough, so you know who you are, and can be sure of yourself in a world that doesn't want to trust? Have I modeled the life I want you to live, one of caring and appreciation and feelings and love? And have I learned all I can from you, so I can draw on your wisdom and lean on your truth, even when we are far apart? And have I loved you enough, so that you will know you are loved when the storms beat you down, the friendships disappoint, or the demands of a world that needs your love weigh too heavily on your shoulders? Have I said thank you to the creative spirit who brought our lives close enough to touch, and who gave us the chance to notice one another and dwell together in this moment? Then let me give thanks now. from Evening Tideby Elizabeth Tarbox
Read it as if you are talking to your child. If you have other children or grandchildren maybe you can envision saying it to them... or if that's not possible, just feeling it, andliving it would be incredible. This feels like a very healing move to me... the question Byron asked last week: "Was that the best I could do??? Was I really not able to do better for Andy?" We can connect to the love with this... and forgive ourselves.
Ok... now... Try it again as if you are talking to your best friends, the ones who have helped you find your way through the grief. (maybe FMO people!) Then again as if you are talking to yourself. After our children died, we probably had a very hard time loving ourselves. I am still working on this. Naming the pain, and then the love... through writing... is such a gift. Have I told you? Have I thanked you? : )
==============================================
Meditation
Do I know you well enough, so that I would recognize you from a great distance, from the tilt of your head, the sway of your step, or the merest whisper of your voice? Have I looked carefully at you, and noted the texture of your skin and the color of your eyes, so that when you are miles from here, I can see you easily in the space reserved for the most precious memories? Have I trusted you enough, so you know who you are, and can be sure of yourself in a world that doesn't want to trust? Have I modeled the life I want you to live, one of caring and appreciation and feelings and love? And have I learned all I can from you, so I can draw on your wisdom and lean on your truth, even when we are far apart? And have I loved you enough, so that you will know you are loved when the storms beat you down, the friendships disappoint, or the demands of a world that needs your love weigh too heavily on your shoulders? Have I said thank you to the creative spirit who brought our lives close enough to touch, and who gave us the chance to notice one another and dwell together in this moment? Then let me give thanks now. from Evening Tideby Elizabeth Tarbox
Replies
Thank you, Sarah. For sharing this and giving of yourself. Have a peaceful night. Love, Linda
I am giving thanks now!
Thanks!
Food for thought. Thank you for sharing, Sarah. Have a peaceful night. Gaye
I wanted my son, Jacob Nissim, for the whole rest of my life, for him to be part of my growing old, and watching his children grow up, giving Jacob such joy and pride. It\'s very hard to let go of all those wishes and hopes. I miss him more each month that he\'s gone. Thanks for writing.
Thank you. I am weeping thankful tears.
Marlene
My Pastor has read this on Mother\'s Day many times...thank you for it today. Nora
I have never read this before... thank you dear Sarah for sharing this. I still have work to do with my living daughter and loved ones as well as with Douglas. This prompts me to continue to say and to do what I so often feel with every fiber of my being yet may not express in the ways that I want to. This is beautiful! With love and gratitude for all that I learn here daily from each of you. Joanie
a very nice self affirmation......I think we do much damage to ourselves in the beginning of a new loss.....thank you for enlightening me. God bless you.....love, dale...brandon\'s mom
That was beautiful and so fitting for us. Thanks for sharing. Of course I\'m crying right now. Love, MelissaXOXO
thank you Sarah for, once again, sharing beautiful and helpful words with us. This includes your own and all your wisdom, which I cherish. You hit it right: one of the hardest things is allowing ourselves to believe, make that know, that we were all we could be for our children. Love, Linda
\"Have I said thank you to the creative spirit who brought our lives close enough to touch, and who gave us the chance to notice one another and dwell together in this moment?\" This is perfect...this is what I want to think of every day. I loved dwelling with Greg in our moment and I would never give that up for anything....not even the lessening of this pain. This is so powerful...thank you. Anne
Thank you for sharing. I, too, had never heard this. It is beautiful. I wish for all of us some peace especially during these days of Christmas.
Nell in Georgia
Dear Sarah,
one thing that comes clearly through all of your beautiful writings and postings from the heart is how much you have loved, and how much you love...
it is more than enough.....it is abundance, it is richness !
This piece flutters gently to my weary heart and brings peace ~ thank you, dear Sarah ~ Debbie