Hating my ED.

Not being an angry or hateful person, this is a bit out of character for me.  I've come to the point where I'm angry, well actually, I'm downright pissed at my ED.  It's taken so much away from me... friends, relationships, time, grades, bonds with my family.  EVERYTHING!  I hate it.  I really do.  I don't normally hate,  but the one thing I really HATE is this ED.  I can't do it anymore.  Something has got to change.  That's why I'm working so hard this time, I just can't deal with ED anymore.  It has to go!  I want to be healthy.  I want to have friends.  I want to be able to like myself.  I want to have kids and a family of my own someday.  I want to feel HAPPY.  IT needs to go, because I WANT IT GONE! 
It's day four on my no purge plan, and I realize ... it's not enough.  I've got to be eating too.  So...I've set my phone to go off multiple times during the day to remind me to eat.  I'm scared I might gain weight at first, but I know.. that once my metabolism adjusts to food again.. as long as I eat and exercise in a healthy manner, I will loose the excess weight.  Right now.. I just need to get myself in a more healthy place.  I want to get back some of the things I've lost.  I want to move on in my life and be successful.  I want this for ME!