hating life

I'm hating myself and life right now..I'd like to run away from me and my life but the memories will follow.I did get a new pup for my Keegan and hes coming along..played for the past two days, something he hasnt done since Giz's passing..what do I do for me ? I dont know..pretend I'm fine, happy ? well I'm not..I love both of my babies ..their all I have  but i dont have my Giz part of me is buried along with him, and today I dont care for the person thats left behind..what an empty shell I've become..sure my husband expects me to be who I was by now..dont get me wrong I dont walk around all glum and weepy but god we just got a new pup thats some work to ensure all goes well between Keegan and the pup..with him, he has that its all about me attitude and today I have just had it..well what about me ? I havent been out of this house except to work just being here to let these little guys bond and off he goes, leaving me to take care of everything..then I hear "we're doing a good job " WHAT !!!I think I need a whole life change