hating life
I'm hating myself and life right now..I'd like to run away from me and my life but the memories will follow.I did get a new pup for my Keegan and hes coming along..played for the past two days, something he hasnt done since Giz's passing..what do I do for me ? I dont know..pretend I'm fine, happy ? well I'm not..I love both of my babies ..their all I have but i dont have my Giz part of me is buried along with him, and today I dont care for the person thats left behind..what an empty shell I've become..sure my husband expects me to be who I was by now..dont get me wrong I dont walk around all glum and weepy but god we just got a new pup thats some work to ensure all goes well between Keegan and the pup..with him, he has that its all about me attitude and today I have just had it..well what about me ? I havent been out of this house except to work just being here to let these little guys bond and off he goes, leaving me to take care of everything..then I hear "we're doing a good job " WHAT !!!I think I need a whole life change
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I do know how your feeling. I\'ve been feeling the same way since I adopted my new puppy. I feel like there\'s no me time. It\'s work and home. I feel like I\'m the one doing all the work with training Summer. I\'ve been so exsausted, between work and getting our 2 pooches to bond and then the house work on top of it. I also say when is there me time? I feel like the only time I have for me is when I\'m in here. I need more, am I being selfish? I feel at times I\'m going out of my mind. I try to smile and pretend everything is ok, but I still mourn for my little Girl Lindsey. I don\'t know what the word Happy means anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I adopted to soon. I keep comparing Summer to Lindsey and I know I have to stop doing that. Don\'t get me wrong, I love Summer with all my HEART and we are starting our own bond between us and Sox\'s too. It\'s just Summmer looks so much like Lindsey did that I can\'t help comparing. I still cry for my lindsey I went to visit her grave today. I\'m still in disbelief. Summer follows me and looking at me while I\'m standing by her grave talking to Lindsey. Her head just tilted to one side. Then I chuckled alittle. I couldn\'t help it. The way Summer did it she looked so cute. Then walking back to the house I felt quilty that I chuckled when I was talking to my Baby. I swear sometimes I feel like I\'m going out of mind. Little things going on in my head that want me to feel quilty. I know it sounds NUTS and I don\'t blame you. I guess I feel my babies gone and even though much part of me is gone with her, I feel like I can\'t live life normally again. And if I do something in my head triggers and I feel like I\'m betraying Lindsey. I know one day this will all pass. But for now I\'m just going to deal the best I could. Together sweetie we will pull thru this. It will just take time. We truly loved our pooches and thats why it\'s taking sooooo long for us to get over our HEART ache of them not here anymore.
I\'m saying Prayers for you sweetie. I guess we just have to focus more on our new additions and just take each day as it comes. I\'m sure for both of us everything will fall in to place. Lot\'s of love to you!!! Lindsey\'s Mommy~~~~~~~~~ :)
I am just in tears reading of the pain and such agony you are all going through with the losses. I can\'t believe I past the 3 month mark of my angel \"Serina\" being gone! At times I feel like it just happened--wonder if it will need another 3 months to stop crying at any given moment!! Do people understand what all of us who care so so deeply need ?? It seems they have a time limit on when we should be ok again!Love & strength to you-Myfelines