Hardest thing
right now the hardest things to me is my financial situation this month and living with my stbx. My son wants him to stay through Christmas , I have financial issues this month and I can't afford to lose his income this month and maybe some of next, he wants to stay to pay down some bills before he leaves us so he can start fresh .....my choice here , let his stay till I can get my finances back in some kind of order . The plan is he starts moving out in January . It will be tough financially but I'm ready for him to leave . For myself and my child ( even though I really don't want him here ) him being here financially for me and emotionally for my son is the best choice. My son knows dad will be leaving the house or getting his own place in January . It may the best choice of the options I have right now financially but it surely is not the easiest choice. The easier choice for me emotionally is to get him out ASap. But financially my son and I will be screwed. So this is my current situation.
The hardest thing is to live with someone you don't want around. The sound of his voice makes me sick. i feel so much anger in me toward my stbx he has some idea, but he really doesn't know how much I despise him for what he has done . I am holding it together pretty well. I don't want to fight in front of my son so I don't . I did slip up twice because the anger just boiled over. Now , I am at the point where I just ignore my stbx . As much as possible. When we do need to comunicate it is calm but I do try not to say a word. Honestly I can't stand the sight of him Right now. I have no respect for this man I once called my husband . But I am respectful for the sake of my son, and I never talk bad of him to my son . But on the inside I have no respect for my stbx At all. I have started to believe he has some kind of mental disorder. He doesn't seem to have guilt , he seems very arrogant and mood swings. Not sure what to make of it but I don't think he is in the right mind.
I spend my time now with my son ( that is usual) working, playing my games on my ipad, watching Netflix to help the time pass. And lately I have been really purging out my things . Old clothes, things I don't want anymore . Taking down pictures that have me and my stbx Together. Thnking about painting the walls and to what color After he moves out. Guess I am just waiting for the day I tell him to leave. That's all I can do for now unless something changes. If my husband moves outerlier then he says it will be really really bad for me to handle the bills , but if he does he does, I will not be the one to kick daddy out of the house before Christmas. If he goes early , my son will know that was his choice. He already knows this divorce was what my husband wanted , not me , because my husband told him that the day he told me. My son just wants him to stay through Christmas , and I can agree to that as long as I am catching the bills up in preparation for my house to be a one person income.
I am hanging in there , for my son and I . And this is the hardest thing . Hard times, but I have to get through it by taking care of myself and my son and con tinue finding happiness in other things like work and friends . I'm tired but I am determined to make it out of this disaster .
The hardest thing is to live with someone you don't want around. The sound of his voice makes me sick. i feel so much anger in me toward my stbx he has some idea, but he really doesn't know how much I despise him for what he has done . I am holding it together pretty well. I don't want to fight in front of my son so I don't . I did slip up twice because the anger just boiled over. Now , I am at the point where I just ignore my stbx . As much as possible. When we do need to comunicate it is calm but I do try not to say a word. Honestly I can't stand the sight of him Right now. I have no respect for this man I once called my husband . But I am respectful for the sake of my son, and I never talk bad of him to my son . But on the inside I have no respect for my stbx At all. I have started to believe he has some kind of mental disorder. He doesn't seem to have guilt , he seems very arrogant and mood swings. Not sure what to make of it but I don't think he is in the right mind.
I spend my time now with my son ( that is usual) working, playing my games on my ipad, watching Netflix to help the time pass. And lately I have been really purging out my things . Old clothes, things I don't want anymore . Taking down pictures that have me and my stbx Together. Thnking about painting the walls and to what color After he moves out. Guess I am just waiting for the day I tell him to leave. That's all I can do for now unless something changes. If my husband moves outerlier then he says it will be really really bad for me to handle the bills , but if he does he does, I will not be the one to kick daddy out of the house before Christmas. If he goes early , my son will know that was his choice. He already knows this divorce was what my husband wanted , not me , because my husband told him that the day he told me. My son just wants him to stay through Christmas , and I can agree to that as long as I am catching the bills up in preparation for my house to be a one person income.
I am hanging in there , for my son and I . And this is the hardest thing . Hard times, but I have to get through it by taking care of myself and my son and con tinue finding happiness in other things like work and friends . I'm tired but I am determined to make it out of this disaster .
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