Hard to be happy
Didn't want to go out today at all. Was hard to be Happy for my neighbor who brought her new grand baby over for me to meet. I think I said the right things to her, said he was cute, couldn't hold him, but just broke down when they left, for I realized I will never have Grand babies to hold, I never even had a daughter in law to love. My son never married, which I guess was a blessing as he was in so much pain, but, I don't know, just feel lost and empty today...
Replies
I am sure you said all the right things! I know it is hard! I lost it in my cousins wedding anniversary dinner in front of all of my family and all of her grooms family, because I realized that I would never get to see my son get married or have grand children. It is a hard realization! I am sending you are big hug right now. I am here if you want to talk!!
Love,
Debi
Julie, I probably will never have grandchildren either. My younger son has said he never wants kids and he has no girlfriend. He is almost 37. I won\'t hold my neighbor\'s grandbaby either, I have not had a recent Whooping Cough shot.
All this sadness and crying is completely normal, very harsh, but normal. I also think this loss all takes so much energy that it is so hard to go out at all.
The ladies in this group are very kind and wise, please feel free to post your thoughts.
Tight hugs,
Leda
I found it took a lot of crying in the shower before and after being a part of others happy life events.....high school graduation, weddings, birth of babies.....these were all so hard and all I could think about was how none of these became a part of Kala\'s earth experience. It\'s heartbreaking....
I finally found myself in a space of truly being able to be happy for others...no longer had to fake it. And it feels GOOD! Do I still cry in those situations....sometimes.....and that\'s OK. I DO miss what Kala never had....what I will never have.... But I\'ve learned to live in the moment at hand, to smile and laugh and enjoy the goodness....and to cry and miss and mourn for what\'s been lost when that\'s what I need to do. It\'s a hard balancing act!!! Time helps.
Lots of love and understanding hugs~~Teri
All that you are feeling each of us has as well. I remember watching my sister dance with her eldest son at his wedding and it yanked on my heartstrings. It hurt!
You are doing your best and that is good enough and I have no doubt you said all the right things to your neighbor. Don\'t second guess any of that as that uses vital energy that you need for yourself and this grief path.
Gentle care your way and so much understanding.
With love,
Joanie
It is so hard..in the early years after my Alex passed it seemed that others lives seem to be going on around me and mine was standing still. When we lose a child we have so many things to grieve. We think it is just this one loss...but it is the loss of every future event too unfortunately there will continue to be these things that stab your heart with the reminder of \"things missed\". What I do want you to know is that in time you learn to cope with the loss and things in your own world brighten. You will not always be as sad as you are today It IS a roller coaster ride...so when you are down remember \"up\" is coming. It does take work and sometimes that \"work\" is simply getting out if the house to go for a walk. Love and gentle hugs..Karen
That was so hard,,, seeing your neighbors grand baby ,,,, for me seeing mom with their daughters is hard,,, I get so jealous, then I cry,,,,love ya!
Thanks everyone for your support and knowing you all feel or have felt the same way makes me feel what ever normal is for right this moment. Hugs back to each and everyone one of you.
Tight hugs to you my friend. It is so unfair that we as mothers have to even experience what we are and I just HATE it. HATE it for all of us. I know things will get better w/time and I just pray that time comes sooner than later. My heart breaks for you and Im so sorry you are going thru this. Stay strong my dear friend. xoxo
I know that you lost your only child. Maybe not being a Grandma is not a bad thing, what do you think? I am not one either and probably never will be. The thing is, I have learned, over the years, to be TRULY happy for others and damn, that takes time! My son\'s girlfriend (who was instrumental in his death) has gone on to have a baby. I am happy for her now. Happy that she is clean (at least I hope so, for the baby\'s sake). I know the pain our son\'s went/go through. My younger son is actively in NA program and I hope it continues to \"take\". I went through hell and back with heroin and my sons. Hugs and feel free to talk to me anytime.