hard time being alone tonight

I was sitting in evening meal tonight and they were talking about 'sin' - and just from my personal 

vantage I saw it more as an intellectual construct we have created to deal with our dual natures

as humans. We are both individuals and also communcal animals. And sin perhaps help

guide us through this dual nature to ourselves - navigating it to manage both standards (individual

and communal.)

I also was thinking about tonight how I have such a desire to be in a place of being loved and perhaps

admiration and attention...and I realized I can't be that to all people. In fact do I want to be the total

center? Or do I want an authentic relationship with someone - to be special to someone specific?

I think that's more the direction I am going in. I know I have to give those things to myself

that were so automatically given to me growing up and that I became dependent on.

Perhps for whatever twist of fate - psychologically and in a familial way - but

I know I have to give that to myself - knowing what I really want and knowing that I live in a community too.

So I was in my room, and the intensity of life was building up in me and I was having a hard time being

alone - and I reached out to my Pop, who was not available - but then he called back minutes later

and we talked it out. He said indeed we have a dual nature and we have to cope with that.

So I feel like I have made my peace for tonight. Things are good!

I am full of tea and Lorna Doones!!  :) :) :)

Have a good night you guys. SO grateful for all of you!