hard night.. But I'll be okay.. I think

I think the thing I hate most about my mind is how such small things can set me off.. Example.. A 4 yr old elephant at my favorite zoo died yesterday.. And or some reason it hit me really hard... I Don't know why... But I was crushed... I felt like I was going to puke... And then my mom lectured me about a game I was playing,  even going as far as to say it would get me put in jail.... And all kinds of crap... and this guy... He has had me off and on happy and depressed.. Because I do kinda like him. One second he's sweet and funny, the next he's crazy sexual... And this other guy.. he's just flat out sweet and funny, and wants to be in a relationship with me sooo bad.. but I can't get myself to go there.. there is only a few people that I'd really be willing to be with right now.. 1 I've know for a long time but we'd make a terrible couple I think.. another is the guy I'm in love with. And the last I know wouldn't be interested. So... at this point I'm just confused and frustrated. And I just want to curl up in a ball and cry and disappear.. and on top of that the urge to hurt myself is soooo strong... resisting is extremely difficult... But I'm trying.. I'm trying to hold on and be tough... Gotta suck it up and get over it... But... It's far from easy... Can't sleep and would give anything to just disappear... 
I will get through this.. Just a difficult night.. I know I'll have many before and even after I get better.. but this is really kicking my butt right now... Can't tell if I'm getting better or if I'm finally shutting down... Just know that I feel really off and I don't really like it..