Happy

Like the sky on a beautiful sunny day I am clear and happy... for today. I know that clouds roll in quick and a storm can happen with no warning. We had a rough night and I got almost no sleep.

You see I messed up (my love has forgiven me already). I told a friend that I was having I guess it's a panic attack. You see I couldn't breath, I don't know why the world was spinning like I had been caught in a tornado.

The calm before the storm sitting on her bed talking about how school was so close. She laughed, I laughed. Her next words made the trees stand still, the world stop moving. "Maybe Tyler will finally realize that it is us he wants on his lap at lunch, calling him daddy" simple words forming the funnel clouds above my head. I couldn't stop my mind from racing "daddy" why would she say that. 

I went numb. I'm sure she was still talking, but I wasn't listening. The tornado had started the room was spinning and pictures, videos were circling around me replaying my life. I started to shake only a little at first. My stomach was being tied in knots that started from the bottom up. I was going to throw up. I stood up to run, run away, hide from the disaster, run to the bathroom. But as soon as my feet hit the ground the knots reached my lungs I could feel my breath being pushed out never to be caugh again. I made it. Bathroom. Rain starts poring from the sky I can hear the thunder in every ugly sob. 

I am starting to collect myself. Breath in and out slow and steady, think of anything but myself. The thunder stops first with light rain storms still trickling down my face. My whole body is still shaking but the storm has passed. "Are you okay? Please let me in? What's going on?" My friend is calling to me from the other side of the locked door. I can hear the fear in her words. "I'm sorry I'll be out in a moment." I try as hard as I can to sound okay. 

When I open the bathroom door my friend is sitting on the floor looking up at me. Her mom standing right behind her. We all know where this goes, 100 questions "should I call your mom?" "No, no, no please no!" "Tell us what happened?" "It's a panic attack, they happen from time to time. I'm so sorry." BUZZ "Panic from what?" "Sometimes nothing sometimes I think of things it's no big deal." BUZZ "I don't think you should go home until we talk about what's going on." BUZZ It got so late so fast."I have to go home I'm not aloud out past 7pm, I'm already late." My phone is lighting up like a Christmas tree BUZZ. "I don't think I can let you go, I am worried about you." 13 missed calls 21 where are you texts. 

My heart is racing again. He is mad. This time no panic attack just panic. He is mad. I have to get home.