Happened again

Once again if you all remember I had trouble with my husband lying...this has gone on since the day we met...
A few months ago when it happened for so many times I can not count, he again, as any abuser said he was sorry, it would not happen again...if I would just give him one more chance...finally I agreed based on certain conditions....o to a counselor and fix himself..Not work on us...try to figure out why he feels he has to lie..The truth always comes out after hours of arguing...
Well, once again, I went to church early for our music practice...once again on Tuesday I could not figure out why my "Web History" which records the sites we go to and once again I finally got it working and once again...there popped up our problems...so he was gone and when he got home, I asked about it.....again it was the same ol same ole that he could not have done it..as he was working in the bedroom...somone comprised our computer...on and on with excuses of it was not him...so one lie was compounded one after another...until I finally went to bed..so useless to get him to just not lie...then he follows me...then another lie comes out that he told me when I asked him..that he said he was doing something and this site pops up and he clicked on it...only to as he said...realize that he has this problem with these sites...and tuned it off....but he had not said it that way...in fact he ever tried to make me believe that somehow our facebook had been comprised and that had to be how it happened...
So there was about 5 minutes of it and instead of just being truthful...he lied and lied and lied...it is not about the sites..It was at one time...but the marriage is based on lies.....so all the money spent on counseling was a waste...He can not not lie...Now I am facing back surgery soon as they get it set up...again I feel I am trapped in making a decision...I realized that with this upcoming surgery...it will be my 10th surgery since I have been with him...and I know that stress can cause illness...
I know it is difficult to make the decision to just get it over with...get out of the marriage...one thing with the surgery I can't go anywhere,,,,I don't want him with me at the surgery, but I need a driver...I know that his actions are never going to change...
 
I just feel really tired from it all..Whether he thinks it is abuse...it is...trying to say he loves me so much...and wants the marriage so much...if that was the truth,,,after all we have been through he would not continue with tearing the marriage apart cause he has to lie...I know why a person lies...to keep from being caught....feeling guilty...to get away with what ever they had done...and to look good in another person eyes...Yet he knows I know the truth..
I know why he continues to lie to me...too many lies...too many threats....of just getting a divorce...then I always end up staying...so he has nothing to lose  I don't understand why I can't just stay with what I say....If I continue to say if it doesn't change that it happens again our marriage is over...yet when it happens again..I don't carry through with what I have said before.....
Why can't I just stick to what I said...that if it happened again...it's over..what part of me will not stick to just getting the marriage over with...I know with my surgery right now I can't...but maybe it is time I go talk to a counselor...I don't have the strength to make a decision so of course he sees no reason to change...
This is all so tiring...Sandi
 
 
 
 
 

Replies

CorriesMom
CorriesMom

Sandi ~

You are a person of value, loved and worthy of being loved. Please always respect yourself and demand respect from those around you.

Constantly fighting that uphill battle IS tiring and I wish you didn\'t feel so trapped in endless cycles of battling with family members.

Love yourself first and foremost ~ the rest will fall into place.

Sending much love and thinking of you with tenderness and comfort ~ Debbie
Dreamstill
Dreamstill

I agree with Debbie, \"Love yourself first and foremost.\" You must look after yourself and perhaps the timing is not good yet, but that will change. I would at least visit an attorney (they give free initial consults for divorce cases even if you do\'t go to them later) and see what your options are. Given the information, you can make a better informed decision.

You deserve to be happy! I will be thinking of you through your surgery and pray it all goes well. Hugs, Amber
jmk1973
jmk1973

Not knowing what all the lies have been about for all these years, it is hard to know what to say. Are things really at the point of divorce?? If so, you need to discuss your options with a lawyer, but maybe talk to a counselor to make you feel better. I am so sorry that you are facing back surgery now too. Maybe, you should put all the problems on the back burner for now and have the surgery while he will be there to take care of you.
Whatever you decide, be sure to put yourself first and be sure to take excellent care of Sandi. (((HUGS)))...Julia
inmemoryofhattie
inmemoryofhattie

There are so many big things right up ahead. Maybe get through the back surgery and recovery and then tackle what comes next. wishing you health and healing and also love and respect.....
mummar
mummar

I don\'t understand what makes people lie to people they supposedly care about - is it esteem, or lack of? Control? Or just a kind of addiction, maybe...

In any case, take one day at a time and focus on your impending surgery and recovery. You may not want your husband right now - but probably you do need him at this time. And this is all about you so take good care and be kind to yourself. Sending you hugs and strength ~ Joanna