Hanging On
I've never been good at keeping a journal. I'll give it a try and see how it goes. I'd like to think I'm talking with someone so I think I'll just call my journal "Fred".
March 28, 2011 is the day a brilliant life ended. I don't say this because he was my husband. I say this because he really was brilliant. This made him difficult to live with at times. He still had so much to contribute to the people he worked with. He loved his work. He loved the people he worked with. He loved teaching them better ways of writing computer code. He had a kindness of spirit towards his fellow man, nature and the creatures we share our world with. No, he wasn't perfect. but he was kind. He was brilliant. And, he didn't deserve to die at the age of 55.
He took great care of himself. He never smoked. He exercised by cycling, running, hiking,& skiing. He ate very little "junk food". He very very seldom drank sodas. He hardly ever took any sort of any kind of "over the counter" drugs. Up until he was diagnosed with advanced bladder cancer he truly was your poster boy of good health.
He wanted to live and he had a lot to live for. He had been miss-diagnosed by a General Practitioner MD. He was told twice he had "bladder spasms". It wasn't until he began passing blood he doubted what the GP had told him.
He was referred by a Urologist to an Oncology Surgeon. He had his entire bladder, prostrate & urethra removed. He wore an ostomy bad for four years and made the very best of it. He still hiked, cycled, took long walks and led a full and positive life.
All of his cancer screening came back clean the last past of October 2010. By mid-November he thought he had a "bug of some sort". In December he developed a serious back pain. In another week he began having pain below his breast bone.
At the end of December 2010 we found the bladder cancer cells had returned in a metastisized form. Cancer was found in his liver, pelvis & bones. I watched him lose his strength and everything else that made him who he was. He lost everything... but not his will nor his courage. By the end of March 2011, he was gone.
Well, that's the 1st journal entry. It tells how I got here.
Where I go from here? I haven't a clue. I thought I'd give this support group a try. I've never done anything like this before. I'm not sure how it works or if it will help. I guess this is what is called "grasping at straws".
Good night, Fred. Thank you for listening to me.
6/30/11 Darlene
March 28, 2011 is the day a brilliant life ended. I don't say this because he was my husband. I say this because he really was brilliant. This made him difficult to live with at times. He still had so much to contribute to the people he worked with. He loved his work. He loved the people he worked with. He loved teaching them better ways of writing computer code. He had a kindness of spirit towards his fellow man, nature and the creatures we share our world with. No, he wasn't perfect. but he was kind. He was brilliant. And, he didn't deserve to die at the age of 55.
He took great care of himself. He never smoked. He exercised by cycling, running, hiking,& skiing. He ate very little "junk food". He very very seldom drank sodas. He hardly ever took any sort of any kind of "over the counter" drugs. Up until he was diagnosed with advanced bladder cancer he truly was your poster boy of good health.
He wanted to live and he had a lot to live for. He had been miss-diagnosed by a General Practitioner MD. He was told twice he had "bladder spasms". It wasn't until he began passing blood he doubted what the GP had told him.
He was referred by a Urologist to an Oncology Surgeon. He had his entire bladder, prostrate & urethra removed. He wore an ostomy bad for four years and made the very best of it. He still hiked, cycled, took long walks and led a full and positive life.
All of his cancer screening came back clean the last past of October 2010. By mid-November he thought he had a "bug of some sort". In December he developed a serious back pain. In another week he began having pain below his breast bone.
At the end of December 2010 we found the bladder cancer cells had returned in a metastisized form. Cancer was found in his liver, pelvis & bones. I watched him lose his strength and everything else that made him who he was. He lost everything... but not his will nor his courage. By the end of March 2011, he was gone.
Well, that's the 1st journal entry. It tells how I got here.
Where I go from here? I haven't a clue. I thought I'd give this support group a try. I've never done anything like this before. I'm not sure how it works or if it will help. I guess this is what is called "grasping at straws".
Good night, Fred. Thank you for listening to me.
6/30/11 Darlene
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