Had another misstep that led to finding honesty

My lying caused me to lose someone very close to my heart. I will probably never have this person back in my life. I hurt myself by not doing this work sooner. The past month has been full of a lot of crying, self doubt, realizations, and observations. I made a promise to myself that for the next year it was best for me to stay away from intimacy of any kind wether it be sexual, or romantic. I seek validation many times through intimacy with others. I need to be able to validate myself without seeking it through others. Last night I put myself in a situation that I knew was going to tempt me into being sexual. I had the option of not going out with these people to this bar and I chose to go anyway. I ended up making out with a friend of mine. I had failed at my goal only a month into it. She told me she had wanted to kiss me for a long time. Right there I knew that if I had failed in one respect I could not fail again. I told her that I wanted to be completely honest with her and that I was not ready for this. Before realizing I had a problem with lying I probably would have told her that I was having a good time and just letting the situation play out. This time I took a moment, decided to tell the truth, and let her know. In that moment I was scared. Being scared is a huge trigger for me. I tend to find the easiest solution when I am scared because I don't want to deal with difficult choices. Although I may have done something in the moment that I told myself I wouldn't I was proud of the fact that I chose to tell the truth immediately after. Small steps are the key. I have to keep moving forward.