had a brief thought

i was reading some funny site, and it popped in my head that he wanted me to coddle him more in a sweet loving way..i thought for a second..maybe i should have done that..maybe i should have been cuter and sweeter then maybe he would have been different..that lasted only a brief moment..im glad i am getting better..i quickly remembered, it doesnt matter what i did, it would have turned out the same.  he never took my feelings into consideration.  
asshole..fuck he's gonna pay.  im counting down the days and its bugging me.  today as the 12th..10 days till i have to be in court..standing there with my pics of my broken van, my stick shift, my bruised arms, my records of his stupid phone calls, all i have are written notes and then i got a screen muncher to show his number. 
he hasn't called since halloween.  fuck i miss that fun guy he was sometimes..still dont get how he could be such an asshole too.  some ppls children..i tell ya..but i wonder too how i could have thought someone with that background would have come out undamaged.  
i need reciepts from my landlord.  i need to confirm my landlord will be there like he offered me.  how can i prove my pain and suffering.  i think of this place..my postings..i think i will print them out..hide my profile so no one can see it for a long time..a couple of months jsut to protect myself from prying eyes if i bring this out..that's why i dont want to.
im sick of this shit.  he moves on without looking back..just goes about his business...meanwhile..i have to pay all these bills that we agreed to pay together.  ahh fuck him..im gonna make his life a living hell.  i know for sure..that in the pool world..he will come out lookin like an ass and i'll come out lookin like some psycho crazy bitch..i just know those ppl will think like that..b/c no one konws what i've been through.  i'm not going to tell everyone and spread rumours..im not going to be all out there and make him look good.  im going to look good.   im going to have fun.  im going to enjoy my friends.  im going to have my sis come sometimes to get under his skin.  im going to flirt and have an awesome time.  not going to show i'm struggling at all.  he will see and think..fn bitch or else he'll think..damn..that girl is still so awesome..fuck..y did i fcuk it up?  in the end..it really doesnt matter what he thinks..but it sure does make me feel better to know he's gonna fuckin pay.