Ha-rumph.
Frick! So I was doing well this weekend when I made a discovery: I think, for me at least, trich is a lot like alcoholism. I can't stop at just one. I had several pulling episodes of 50+ hairs, and I kept telling myself 'just one more, just five, just ten...' and then I stopped counting, of course. I've basically figured out that I jsut need to keep my hands DOWN and away from my head, even if I've got tape on, because if I pull just one I'm a goner. I don't think I'm physically able to stop at one... :(
BUT. I'm hoping that since I realize this (it's only taken me 20 years), then it'll help my perspective. This disease isn't something I can 'kind of' quit or even just 'manage.' It's an all or nothing prospect. (Again, this just goes for me. I've read about other people only pulling 5-10 hairs a day, which I find amazing.) Before, I was still scratching my head and feeling my hair, I just wasn't pulling - and I think I may have just reached a psychological breaking point after so much accumulated stress that it just got out of control. I need to figure out how to get that mounting tension out of my system WITHOUT touching my lashes/brows/hair. This, I think, is going to be the really hard part; I know the urges won't come as badly unless I feel my hair and the sore spots first, but I have to figure out a way to keep my hands from absent-mindedly playing with it. I don't think stress balls or anything else really helps, because it kinda just reminds me of what I really want to be doing. Short of stopping everything and writing down how I'm feeling, does anyone have any ideas of mini-stress relief actions? I'm hoping I'm not the only one who gets that tense feeling right before I pull... I guess I'll try deep breathing or something and see how that works out. I'm even more bummed because my doctor put me on meds that were supposed to help re-train my brain not to feel anythign positive when I pull my hair (opiate blockers or something - same thing they give drug addicts), but it doesn't seem to be helping at all.
It's so hard to stay positive after I feel like I've just undone all the hard work that's been building over the past three months, but I still have to tell myself that it's better than it's been in a long time, and that this is a slow journey. That, and KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN!!! Whew. There. I do feel a little better now. :)
BUT. I'm hoping that since I realize this (it's only taken me 20 years), then it'll help my perspective. This disease isn't something I can 'kind of' quit or even just 'manage.' It's an all or nothing prospect. (Again, this just goes for me. I've read about other people only pulling 5-10 hairs a day, which I find amazing.) Before, I was still scratching my head and feeling my hair, I just wasn't pulling - and I think I may have just reached a psychological breaking point after so much accumulated stress that it just got out of control. I need to figure out how to get that mounting tension out of my system WITHOUT touching my lashes/brows/hair. This, I think, is going to be the really hard part; I know the urges won't come as badly unless I feel my hair and the sore spots first, but I have to figure out a way to keep my hands from absent-mindedly playing with it. I don't think stress balls or anything else really helps, because it kinda just reminds me of what I really want to be doing. Short of stopping everything and writing down how I'm feeling, does anyone have any ideas of mini-stress relief actions? I'm hoping I'm not the only one who gets that tense feeling right before I pull... I guess I'll try deep breathing or something and see how that works out. I'm even more bummed because my doctor put me on meds that were supposed to help re-train my brain not to feel anythign positive when I pull my hair (opiate blockers or something - same thing they give drug addicts), but it doesn't seem to be helping at all.
It's so hard to stay positive after I feel like I've just undone all the hard work that's been building over the past three months, but I still have to tell myself that it's better than it's been in a long time, and that this is a slow journey. That, and KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN!!! Whew. There. I do feel a little better now. :)
Replies
I totally understand. Did the same thing last week. What I did realize is that whenever I\'m nervous about something, then I start (that ugly word pulling). So, I now recognize why I\'m nervous and since i\'m usually alone when I do this, I start yelling out loud - kinda letting out the steam. Well it\'s been now 3 days, pf, - I\'m praying and praying for me and all of us. Hang in, it will and it must get better. As Tim Robbins says - most people know what to do - they just don\'t do what they know.. WE KNOW WHAT WE NEED TO DO. Let\'s think that we don\'t want to reach old age and die doing this, it has to stop. Kinda a mantra I tell myself I need to stop, I am beautiful and can be that much more beautiful. Hopefully it will for work ..
Hmmm... that\'s an interesting approach. I think yelling would be a good way to let go of tension - maybe even yelling something silly so I don\'t feel as anxious. :) Although I hope I don\'t scare my puppy...