Ha-rumph.
Frick! So I was doing well this weekend when I made a discovery: I think, for me at least, trich is a lot like alcoholism. I can't stop at just one. I had several pulling episodes of 50+ hairs, and I kept telling myself 'just one more, just five, just ten...' and then I stopped counting, of course. I've basically figured out that I jsut need to keep my hands DOWN and away from my head, even if I've got tape on, because if I pull just one I'm a goner. I don't think I'm physically able to stop at one... :(
BUT. I'm hoping that since I realize this (it's only taken me 20 years), then it'll help my perspective. This disease isn't something I can 'kind of' quit or even just 'manage.' It's an all or nothing prospect. (Again, this just goes for me. I've read about other people only pulling 5-10 hairs a day, which I find amazing.) Before, I was still scratching my head and feeling my hair, I just wasn't pulling - and I think I may have just reached a psychological breaking point after so much accumulated stress that it just got out of control. I need to figure out how to get that mounting tension out of my system WITHOUT touching my lashes/brows/hair. This, I think, is going to be the really hard part; I know the urges won't come as badly unless I feel my hair and the sore spots first, but I have to figure out a way to keep my hands from absent-mindedly playing with it. I don't think stress balls or anything else really helps, because it kinda just reminds me of what I really want to be doing. Short of stopping everything and writing down how I'm feeling, does anyone have any ideas of mini-stress relief actions? I'm hoping I'm not the only one who gets that tense feeling right before I pull... I guess I'll try deep breathing or something and see how that works out. I'm even more bummed because my doctor put me on meds that were supposed to help re-train my brain not to feel anythign positive when I pull my hair (opiate blockers or something - same thing they give drug addicts), but it doesn't seem to be helping at all.
It's so hard to stay positive after I feel like I've just undone all the hard work that's been building over the past three months, but I still have to tell myself that it's better than it's been in a long time, and that this is a slow journey. That, and KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN!!! Whew. There. I do feel a little better now. :)
BUT. I'm hoping that since I realize this (it's only taken me 20 years), then it'll help my perspective. This disease isn't something I can 'kind of' quit or even just 'manage.' It's an all or nothing prospect. (Again, this just goes for me. I've read about other people only pulling 5-10 hairs a day, which I find amazing.) Before, I was still scratching my head and feeling my hair, I just wasn't pulling - and I think I may have just reached a psychological breaking point after so much accumulated stress that it just got out of control. I need to figure out how to get that mounting tension out of my system WITHOUT touching my lashes/brows/hair. This, I think, is going to be the really hard part; I know the urges won't come as badly unless I feel my hair and the sore spots first, but I have to figure out a way to keep my hands from absent-mindedly playing with it. I don't think stress balls or anything else really helps, because it kinda just reminds me of what I really want to be doing. Short of stopping everything and writing down how I'm feeling, does anyone have any ideas of mini-stress relief actions? I'm hoping I'm not the only one who gets that tense feeling right before I pull... I guess I'll try deep breathing or something and see how that works out. I'm even more bummed because my doctor put me on meds that were supposed to help re-train my brain not to feel anythign positive when I pull my hair (opiate blockers or something - same thing they give drug addicts), but it doesn't seem to be helping at all.
It's so hard to stay positive after I feel like I've just undone all the hard work that's been building over the past three months, but I still have to tell myself that it's better than it's been in a long time, and that this is a slow journey. That, and KEEP YOUR HANDS DOWN!!! Whew. There. I do feel a little better now. :)
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