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Monday night, July 21st. First of all...the dog has GOT TO GO!!!! I don't know where 'cause the shelters are full and no one seems to want him. I got home, after being gone 3 days, and he has torn up my mulch, destroyed much of my flower garden, dug numerous DEEP holes in the yard, and I am not even sure what else. The next 4 only added to his mess! I don't have the time or energy for all that. If only he was well mannered....He was alone a lot but he was fed, petted, and watered every day I was gone! The trip was ok. I actually enjoyed a good deal of it. The 1st three days were spent on Table Rock Lake at a friends lake house. We spent a lot of time out on the boat and even rode into Arkansas from Missouri. That took a whole day. We came home for about 3 hours and then headed to Stockton Lake to camp. We were there 4 days. Adam and a friend of his came for 3 of those. We didn't do much as the lake is still really high and the swimming areas are terrible. Craig and I went to a flea market one day and just drove around the area. Adam fished a lot. He didn't catch much but he needed to get away, too. I slept quite a bit but was really troubled with nightmares. Next weekend, I think, we are going to a birthday party for my father-in-law, hosted by his brother-in-law. He will be 86 or 87. And, one of Scott's friends has invited us to spend another day on his Dad's houseboat. So, we are keeping VERY busy. I am not sure whether I care for it or not. I go back to work on Aug. 19th so I really want to just hang out while I can. The summer is passing so quickly. June was such a yucky month with all the rain. Now, just when it is HOT, it is almost time to give it up. I have not spent nearly the amount of time I like to in my pool. I am trying to be grateful and happy for the things and opportunities I have. The truth of the matter is I feel like I am just going through the motions. I always have this ache for Scott in my stomach. I still cry a lot. It can happen anywhere! And losing Melissa is still sinking in. Financially I am having a really hard time! It is all too complicated to explain. Suffice it to say Craig is tighter than the hinges of Hell and I am trying to pay too much with my very meager income. It is very stressfull!
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Oh Hon, I know what you mean about the ache you are feeling for Scott and also Melissa. It is just always there, isn\'t it? It does sound like you at least had some fun and diversion on vacation. I know it doesn\'t change anything, but a change of scenery sometimes helps a little. Sorry to hear about the dog,---I am having my own dog problems now, too!! Hugs to you and try to take some time out for YOURSELF! Love, Judy
I am beginning to think that we will have to suffer the ache in our stomachs forever...Cyn described it as a shadow over everything. I guess we have to search for happiness and joy in little bits and pieces and savor any time that we get it...enjoy your summer. Love and hugs...Karen
Staying busy has it\'s benefits, to a point. Can you take some time just for yourself? I cherish my \"alone\" times. They are what re-energize me and allow me the chance to refocus on the thoughts and actions that keep me sane and moving forward. I don\'t know if you are like me, but my tolerance for being in high energy places drains me now. I know what the financial worries can do, too! That\'s a big issue for us right now and it\'s like a black cloud hanging over my head. Hope you find some peace today, hun. E. Tolle wrote something in his book \"A New Earth\". Its: \"When you no longer FEEL the life that you are, you are likely to try to fill up your life with things.\" Sometimes being still and just \"being\" is the best therapy. Good luck with the dog issue and adding another reminder as to why I shouldn\'t get one :-) Peace and love to you, my dear friend.
I know what you mean about being VERY busy. I don\'t care for it at all. And it seems it doesn\'t matter if you\'re busy or not it\'s like living in the shadows and never really getting into the sun without our boys. I wish I had something helpful to say, but I\'m in the same boat you are. At least you\'re not alone! Love ya, Cyn