Gutted

This has been a week of being gutted.
My grandad finally passed away on Sunday. 3:55am. He clung on for so long, it is something to be proud of but I had got used to him being invincible. So many times over the past 14 years he has been written off, given so long to live but he defied them, on purpose. We all know it.
Still, it hurts. I haven't really cried but I am dreadfully depressed by it. My Nan has shut herself off from everyone for a while, which she needs. My Mum, Aunt and Uncles have all thrown themselves into work, as have my cousins. This leaves me to grieve by myself, which is no bad thing. I have to be strong around others for a while.
We wrote out the obituary yesterday and that hurt. The finality of it all is a very numbing experience. I dont think I have ever felt so lost and confused.
Over my time away, I have also moved house. I only got connected to the internet this afternoon and I come back to find one of my dearest friends has vanished.
It all hurts just a little too much.