group project
I've let my problems screw things up and my head is spinning right now.
I decided to take on an assignment using a programming language that I didn't know, figuring that since I'm so smart it would be easy to both learn the language and do the project. Unfortunately, I'm incapable of working on something unless I already know what I'm doing, because it has to be perfect the first time, but I can't do the project without knowing the language. I want to cut, but it's not going to change the date or time, so I know it won't actually help anything. This whole thing has made me second guess computer science as my degree, I don't think I can stand to do this for years and years. But then again, I can't see myself doing anything for years and years, it's hard to be motivated to do anything for your future when all you want to do is die. All I do right now it try my best to appear to be attempting something, create a person who has a plan that I can explain in great detail to family, friends and peers. I don't even know who I am anymore, or did I ever know me..
I decided to take on an assignment using a programming language that I didn't know, figuring that since I'm so smart it would be easy to both learn the language and do the project. Unfortunately, I'm incapable of working on something unless I already know what I'm doing, because it has to be perfect the first time, but I can't do the project without knowing the language. I want to cut, but it's not going to change the date or time, so I know it won't actually help anything. This whole thing has made me second guess computer science as my degree, I don't think I can stand to do this for years and years. But then again, I can't see myself doing anything for years and years, it's hard to be motivated to do anything for your future when all you want to do is die. All I do right now it try my best to appear to be attempting something, create a person who has a plan that I can explain in great detail to family, friends and peers. I don't even know who I am anymore, or did I ever know me..
Replies
Sounds familiar, you are not alone with your feelings. But I\'m sorry that things are so rough at the moment. Have you done any further investigations about medication or counselling? May be really helpful. This is easy to say but try and take one day at a time and don\'t make decisions when you are badly depressed - you may well regret them later. I hope things start to look brighter soon.
Yeah I know what you mean. I have a Masters degree in Training and Assessment of adults but now feel as though I would not be able to carry out that task to save my life, My whole life has been a waste the last 3 years and I dont know what to do with my life anymore, A person I like has moved into a senior position at work and I might be able to get a promotion at work but cant stand to think of being in the job Im in for much longer than this christmas, I guess the solution, we keep plodding along trying to do the best we can and trying to improve ourselves to a point where we can stand to be in something for a long term, I also think depression is having a huge say in both our lives atm which really sucks but we do the best we can. Just remember there are people who are there by your side fighting right along side you.
I know how you feel about being a perfectionist. But you can work through it I know it. It is hard, but in any thing you did you would face the same issues because it is impossible to have a completely controlled situation anywhere.
And seriously, in any profession/career... if you don\'t question it a few times, you aren\'t doing it right!
A scientist once told me that if he never played around in the lab, he would never figure anything out. What I mean is that for new information to get in sometimes you have to let go and just mess around. Play.
Maybe next time dont get yourself in a situation that you know will stress you out (having to finish something with tools you don\'t know) but instead first take a day or two to say to yourself \"i\'m going to fuck around with this language and see what happens\" and only commit to a project with it after you\'ve done that. just a thought.
anyways, fantastic job not cutting!!!! and sorry ive been off the grid for awhile and havent been commenting