Grocery Shopping
That's about all I did today- go grocery shopping. And managed to spend almost all the money I have left. I needed to get cat food for Angela since the gnats ate the rest of her food, and Geo and I went out to dinner. I'm just so depressed, but I'm not tired. I'm in pain. I want to take a Vicodin for the pain, but I know better. This is depression pain, not physical pain. If I'm going to take anything for this it's going to be ibuprofen or Tylenol. I don't want to take anything that might make me space out and feel better that is not supposed to. It's bad enough I'm taking NyQuil and I'm sick. I don't think I'm going to take any tonight. I just have to make a quick run at the grocery store tomorrow and that's it. I'm going to try and go for my walk, but I'm not sure I'll have the energy. I just have to be content with whatever I can do. Hopefully this depression lifts. I'm in a mixed phase now, anyway. I'm full of energy (but still depressed) at night, and depressed and tired during the day. This is normal for me during a mixed phase. Last night I couldn't fall asleep until after midnight, and this is with NyQuil. I woke up at 8am ready to go, but I knew I couldn't get up for the day then. I would have emotionally crashed badly (even worse than I am now) and that would be it.
I may have to ask Geo to take over some more of the jobs around the house for a couple days, like cooking. I just don't have the energy. I know he's going through his own depression, which sucks, but he is the stronger one. I know it's bad for him, since the other day for the first time in forever he spent all day sleeping. Normally that's my thing when I get depressed. But he slept all day from like 4am to 5pm with just a couple hours awake. That was yesterday I think. Today he was feeling better and out of bed, but he napped for a bit. I did too, I think. I'm not sure since I wasn't paying attention to the clock. I just know he did since I heard him snoring lightly. We were waiting for his dad to call to say he was bringing the truck over so we could borrow it.
That's why I didn't go to work today... I was waiting until we got the truck to go grocery shopping. I didn't think it was going to be that late. I thought his dad would be here at like noon and we would be done by 2:30 and I could go and finish my shift. He ended up dropping off the truck around 4 and Geo had to go drop him off at home before we could go shopping. I wish I had gone into work so I could have done something productive today. I was reading something Joyce Marilyn sent me today and it said don't call yourself lazy if you get stuff done, but today I was really lazy. I didn't go for a walk, I didn't go to work, I didn't clean anything. I just got fast food for dinner (and went over my calories) and went to the grocery store. I think that's pretty lazy considering the things I had to do and didn't. Oh, I also got food for my cat and filled her container of food. I didn't even clean the litterbox. It can wait until tomorrow.
I just felt so drained after going to the store. I don't know why. I could barely put the groceries in the car. Geo had to take most of them in, since I was hurting so badly. He also put them away. I don't know what I would do without him. I wouldn't have a car and couldn't drive, and would be stuck in LA somewhere with no money and unable to get around. That, or living with my stepdad and having to deal with that drama. Visiting is one thing, but when you live there you have to do a ton of chores that I just couldn't do with the depression. I could barely keep up with them in high school when I was feeling good.
Food today was bad... as low as I was yesterday on my calories I was high today. I went to Checkers and got their Double Checkerburger and fully loaded fries. I topped it off with a sweet tea and a sundae. I would have been okay if I hadn't eaten the sundae, but I didn't care. I think that comes with the depression... not caring about myself. I didn't think about how bad the food was for me, I just wanted something easy. Maybe I did think about how bad it was for me and that's why I got it.. to self-destruct my diet. I don't know. All I know is the damage is done and there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm supposed to weigh in tomorrow, but I don't know if I should. Maybe I should wait until Sunday when I'm recovered a bit from my binge. We will just have to see.
I may have to ask Geo to take over some more of the jobs around the house for a couple days, like cooking. I just don't have the energy. I know he's going through his own depression, which sucks, but he is the stronger one. I know it's bad for him, since the other day for the first time in forever he spent all day sleeping. Normally that's my thing when I get depressed. But he slept all day from like 4am to 5pm with just a couple hours awake. That was yesterday I think. Today he was feeling better and out of bed, but he napped for a bit. I did too, I think. I'm not sure since I wasn't paying attention to the clock. I just know he did since I heard him snoring lightly. We were waiting for his dad to call to say he was bringing the truck over so we could borrow it.
That's why I didn't go to work today... I was waiting until we got the truck to go grocery shopping. I didn't think it was going to be that late. I thought his dad would be here at like noon and we would be done by 2:30 and I could go and finish my shift. He ended up dropping off the truck around 4 and Geo had to go drop him off at home before we could go shopping. I wish I had gone into work so I could have done something productive today. I was reading something Joyce Marilyn sent me today and it said don't call yourself lazy if you get stuff done, but today I was really lazy. I didn't go for a walk, I didn't go to work, I didn't clean anything. I just got fast food for dinner (and went over my calories) and went to the grocery store. I think that's pretty lazy considering the things I had to do and didn't. Oh, I also got food for my cat and filled her container of food. I didn't even clean the litterbox. It can wait until tomorrow.
I just felt so drained after going to the store. I don't know why. I could barely put the groceries in the car. Geo had to take most of them in, since I was hurting so badly. He also put them away. I don't know what I would do without him. I wouldn't have a car and couldn't drive, and would be stuck in LA somewhere with no money and unable to get around. That, or living with my stepdad and having to deal with that drama. Visiting is one thing, but when you live there you have to do a ton of chores that I just couldn't do with the depression. I could barely keep up with them in high school when I was feeling good.
Food today was bad... as low as I was yesterday on my calories I was high today. I went to Checkers and got their Double Checkerburger and fully loaded fries. I topped it off with a sweet tea and a sundae. I would have been okay if I hadn't eaten the sundae, but I didn't care. I think that comes with the depression... not caring about myself. I didn't think about how bad the food was for me, I just wanted something easy. Maybe I did think about how bad it was for me and that's why I got it.. to self-destruct my diet. I don't know. All I know is the damage is done and there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm supposed to weigh in tomorrow, but I don't know if I should. Maybe I should wait until Sunday when I'm recovered a bit from my binge. We will just have to see.
Replies
OK we allow ONE pity me day! You had it so now back to being good to yourself! Seriously I know how it feels to not have the energy to do even the simple things some days and feel so incredibley tired in every limb of your body. Hopefully the gray days will pass quickly and you will get a bounce back in your step and GET THE KITTY LITTER BOX CLEANED!
Smiles and HUGS!
You did somethings on your list. do what you can when you can. You are not lazy. It\'s a side of effect of the depression. Once you say i\'ve accomplished this today it may help you feel a little better.
You didn\'t the greatest today that\'s ok how much over your cal. were you?
did it put you over for the day before too? Try to get back on track and not
worry about it. You are doing great. I do hope you get a walk in.
Hope you start feeling better soon.
Hugs
dont let the depression suck you in to thinking your lazy, you do what you can and even that can be such a chore.depression is debiltating, one has to force one to get up and moving and get the mind distracted somehow, even little things like reading or cleaning the cat litter, then you will feel better about yourself with each step you take. do not feel guilty about askng geo for help, you do so much for him, i think he should already be helping out more, this depression has been going on for a time now. you will get better and the sunshine will come out again.