grieving
It is Christmas Eve. Thank God I am with my brother's family. All I can think about is how he walked out on us. Those 25 years we were happily married mean absolutely nothing to him now. I want to cry and cry, but I dont want the kids to see me. Being with their cousins is helping them not to think about him walking out on us. But I can't concentrate. I am trying to practice gratitude when I still feel like I have been chopped in half or shot. I am so sad; I don't even feel like a person anymore. I feel so odd. It is the worst feeling I have ever experienced. You're just supposed to go on as if nothing has happened. I can hardly function, but I'm supposed to work, cook, keep everything together for the kids sakes. And it is all I can do to drag myself out of bed and take a shower and put one foot in front of the other until I end up somewhere.
Replies
Im so sorry that you are feeling so distraught the firsts are always hard. You will get through this and you are stronger than you realize. This time next year, I want you to write another journal entry and then look back at how far you have come. Believe me you will do it. You will Flourish you are blessed. Im so glad that you are at your brothers and have some loving people around you. Use your family for support they love you and are there for you.
Im on my 4th Christmas without my ex, and Ive got to say, its really pretty good! Im sure you think that your marriage was wonderful, and perhaps it was but I think time may allow you to see more than you do right now do your inner work, feel it dont push it down and you will get through this.
You are NOT ALONE its horrible to say, but there are many, many, many women and men whos spouses have just up and left for someone else. We have all survived and you will too. Lots of support here you have found a good place. Merry Christmas try to enjoy your kids and your family.
I\'m so glad you are with your brother and the kids are enjoying their cousins. What a huge blessing! Trust me, no one expects you to carry on as if nothing happened. We put that pressure on ourselves. You\'re going to be okay. I\'m proud of you. There is no perfect way of doing this. It\'s just one of those things you can\'t skip over, or go around...you must go through and you are doing it!
This is one of the \"firsts\" like KRKing wrote about about. You will have a whole year of first firsts, it\'s part of the process. You\'ll learn so much about yourself. You\'re doing great! Journaling is a huge help for getting your feelings out. Feel free to vent. I wrote journals exaggerating things and locked them just to get the icky stuff out. (((HUGS))))
I totally get where you are right now, 10 months since my ex wife left so this was /is my firsts holidays too without her and her family. 24 years we were together, it\'s just so foreign right now. Lean on your family and kids, everyone who has been through this says it gets better, we\'re gonna have to trust that it will. Just get through one day at a time for now, holidays are almost over I think that will help some.
All the \"firsts\"will be difficult, but treat each one as a baby step toward healing. We understand your pain, and please believe when we say the pain will one day be gone and you will find joy.
big hugs!