Grief will it end ever it seems to keep going on & on
The grief will it ever end as it seems to keep going on and on and on. It is the little things that keep it going. I went to perfume on yesterday. I only have 3 small bottle left. I was thinking there is no Smokey to buy me more for Christmas. I started crying. It was bad timing as I was having someone over to my place and later going out for dinner with Don, my brother. I probably should not have gone out as I never had any patience for Don, who has Asperger's Syndrome. I came home, watched a bit of TV and went to bed at 10. I didn't sleep right away, cried and thought about Smokey. Why did he leave me and why could not I have gone with him as we did everything together? I wished I could have died along with my Smokey. He was my life and the reason I got up in the morning and to go to bed at night. I wished it was me who died and Smokey was the one to live. It should have been me. I keep thinking that it should have been me and not Smokey. Why was I the one to live and he was one that died? It just does not seem fair. Not to me. Smokey could handle all the details that are involved when a person dies. I am not fairing to well. It is hard. Smokey handled all the paperwork when his own mom died. I am not having an easy time of all these things plus looking for a job. Nothing seems to be working in my favor and everything seems to be working against me. It seems that way to me. I worry, am anxious, fret and stew about everything. I have faith in God and should trust him with all my heart and soul. When the circumstances are against me, I wonder about everything. I can't handle anything anymore and think I am going absolutely bonkers. I want to scream and pull my hair out but i do not. It is unbearable pain that I am slowly struggling through. It is a horrible thing to have to deal with that is for sure. At the moment, I hate my life the way it is and the future looks bleak at best. I wished I could have died along side my own beloved husband Smokey.