Grief anger lack of patience

Grief!  Anger!  Lack of patience!  These are all me.  I feel so bad but lately my grief has come out in the form of anger.  When my older Asperger minded brother Don comes over, I yell at him.  It has been three times now.  I feel so bad afterwards but I still do it upon each visit.  It is getting to the point where I don't want to see him any more because of my anger.  It goes over his head most of the time but sometimes it sinks in to his brain.  I love him but I don't want to be around him any more.  I have to wait until my grief subsides a bit more and I do not know when that is going to be.  I try to bite my tongue today but whenl my brother Don starts talking about my dearly departed husband, I get angry at him because he does not know what he is talking about.  With Asperger's, it doesn't sink in when you are talking, or it is that way with my brother Don.  He does all the talking and you just have to listen to him.  He doesn't listen to what anyone says and I know that fact.  When he starts talking rubbish about my deceased husband Smokey, I get angry, which I did today.  Don has some facts but doesn't listen to the whole entire story.  With my brother Don, it is all about him.  He gets a few facts that are correct but does not get the entire story.  This is how it can come out all twisted when Don tries to relate a story or a fact.  I just don't have patience and get angry.  It wasn't all about Smokey either.  I remember trying to help Don get his Disability Pension.  The family was behind him.  Now he is talking nonsense about getting a full-time job.  You can't on the Disability Pension but are allowed to make $500 per month extra.  I was ready to throw Don out on his rear end.  I said after all the support from the family and you are ready to throw it all away for a full-time job.  Don just lost his part-time job and is looking for another one.  I know it's hard but he seems to bounce back on his feet.  It has only been one month.  Do you think it is all part of the grief why I get so mad or am I just not a very patient person any more?  I feel as if I am going absolutely crazy and I don't know how to stop the insanity.  Can anyone help me?  I miss Smokey so much.  I have to go as I am starting to cry right this minute.  Good-bye.