Greeting and salutations to everyone
It has been five years this November 15, 2009 since my much loved better half nick named Smokey passed away. Can we find love again? I feel its next to impossible for me. I feel like its hopeless, useless, futile, and no chance. This makes me utterly depressed. Right now I am seeing Dave a friend who doesn't share my christian faith, smokes too much, addicted to alcohol and little to no libido. Basically, we are friends who cook, watch TV, play cards and lie next to one another in bed. I am so frustrated with my life and how it is now. I am not happy with it for me. I could use a job to keep me busy and out of trouble. I could a christian soul mate who shares my faith in God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit and the Truine God. I have been praying for all these things and it feels like God is saying No to all this. What am I supposed to be doing with my life that God would like for me? I have no idea. Basically, I babysit my grandkids. I am there for my older brother Don who is separated from his wife Debbie, plagued with Asperger's Syndrome, fast heart rate, fluid on longs and problems with his feet. His is not in good shape. He has to be on a lot of medication. Both of us are seeking a pt/ft job and a christian soul mate. I don't know what's up for me. I just seem to be wondering around in the state of confusion as to where God is leading me. I just keep on doing what I am doing. Is there a direction for me or is where I am the place for me? I have no answers. I would like some concrete answers for my life. It so useless to want any of these things. I just give up and surrender to God with all these things.
Confused DianeB
Confused DianeB
Replies
I was just thinking about widows from years ago. They were in their 50s and happy with their role of being there for their grand kids. No one expected them to get married again, either. Most would live into their 60s and get reunited with their husbands. But now, I think women our age still want so much. We want careers, husbands, degrees, etc. Yet, I find all those things are elusive at this age. I thought of going back to college a few years back. I wanted to get a Master\'s degree. Then I saw someone my age 100,000 dollars in debt in school loans and only a few more years left to work anyhow. In the US you can\'t declare bankruptcy on those types of loans, so he\'ll use his social security check to pay them.
I don\'t know. Maybe our role at this age is to pass on the wisdom to our grandkids. I mean, we\'re the best babysitters. As for men. I would love to have a guy to hang out with--just friends, no sex. But if the right man showed up, with a bow on him from God, I would get married again in a second. Otherwise, I\'ll follow the lead of my widowed grandmothers and just grow old by myself.
There\'s a lot I don\'t understand. One thing that helps though is looking for the positive even if it\'s hard to find. I truly trust God to lead me in His way and try my best to do His will. I was so destroyed when Don died. But I did a lot of soul searching for what God wanted for me to do now. I pray both of you will find purpose in your heart. Sharon