Gratitude in grieving.

Yesterday I was going through some old papers I had with some of my mom’s old recipes and I found a letter from my deceased husband. It was titled “To my perfect wife from a loving husband.” That blew my mind! I was hysterical for the rest of the night experiencing Nancy’s abuse. Nancy is one of my other personalities. She came out during my marriage which lasted 10 years.
I think this was the first time after 16 years that I actually allowed myself to feel my grief of what was and what could have been. In my early years of marriage it was sweet just as that letter expressed. Unfortunately, at the time he was suddenly killed on a motorcycle, our relationship was a mess. He chose alcohol over his family and had an affair, all of which I never allowed myself to feel. I blocked out the emotions that came from grieving.
After I unloaded emotion after emotion I was disassociated in a new way. I was present with my alter. This has been happening a lot with all my personalities. Suffering the pain of it all last night I realized he missed so much. My daughter was 7 and my son was 4 when he died. He never got to see these two little children grow up to be amazing adults. I never realized how sad I was in that I had full responsibility in raising our children. It really was by the grace of God that I could.
I realized that it has been almost two decades since he passed and I still have not let go.I guess feeling the pain of it all may help me to move on with my life. All I need now is courage.
Anyway...Out of that sorrow I get to enjoy life with my two wonderful adult children. So, this year I am thankful that I allowed myself to grieve what was and enjoy what is. I think It’s a start in the direction forward on a path to peace.
I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!
God bless you all
Hugs! Jessy
“Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning!” Psalm 30:5.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I glad to enjoy life with family who love each other. You sound like the hardships of life are becoming lighter. We all suffer but you are finding a way to be happy too. Good for you!!!!
seekinghealthy101
seekinghealthy101

I am taking in your experience, and I feel such strength in you.... you have overcome so much, and you are here to share and inspire us all. Bless you!
stephanietram
stephanietram

great stuff. thank you .