grateful for today
hi Friends, good evening!
Thankful here for today. I am 'coming down' now from the busy day - I'm
back in my room with Blue. I'm doing pretty well. Grateful.
Around this time of day all of us monastics tend to text each other, in a flurry, end of day things, that are friendly as well as preparations
for the days to come. Blue is my immediate focus when I get back to my room.
He's my child and his feelings of having been isolated (and his upset about it - he comes screaming out
He's my child and his feelings of having been isolated (and his upset about it - he comes screaming out
of the room when I open the door) are important.
I try to meet him with loving kindness, care and validation....reassurance. He really is amazing.
Things finally settle down for him and me after about 20 minutes of petting and soothing - and at the same time
I kind of have to juggle working my phone as the texts come in....and are sent out..
My personal time comes after I make some tea (some extra time alone while boiling the kettle that Blue does NOT
understand) and then I turn on the electric fire.
All the while I start to think about what to write about and what to do for the night. It's Monday
night. I have the day of no duties tomorrow - and Antiques Roadshow is
on. I generally catch a bit of that on Monday nights - so tonight I am watching that and a free late night beckons.
I noticed today how I am 'pleased as punch' for the growth that's happening for me.
I've been trying and indeed I'm learning new things. There was a crucial idea from
my therapist, last session, and I brought it up today. It was about that yes it's important to be taking care of my work and relationships - responsibilities - etc...
but also essentially important is deciding and questioning how I am to carve out
some joy for myself, within these kind survival type things and structures, along the way..
I don't know how to express it succinctly but I find it's like there's like a two lane
street in my mind. There's the responsibilities that I am taking care of,
and then the decision to keep an eye out for joy along the way. It's kind of like a mental
check in. Parallel lanes, but different mind sets and for good reason I've found.
Both lanes
are going in the same direction in other words they are both forward motions.
Each requires for me a kind of different way of focusing.
At first glance taking care of my work and my great motivation
to be responsible helps me follow my tasks. It gives me happiness and
contentment as in 'taking care of myself'. The responsibilities though can become
an obsession, I can forget myself, to the point that unconsciously the focus in
me can become self abusive, gnarling into a painful, submissive to work, mental pretzel type
position. I work until I drop
and I become buried in the intensity and woe. And lost..,
Realizing that today I switched gears to mindfully manage those kind of energies
with the 'carving out some along the way.'
I saw that the idea of keeping things fun helped me not just avoid being uconcsciously self abusive.
Carving out some joy also meant
not just keeping happy and but the two lanes balance me out - they keep me healthy, managing and effective.
It gave me mindfulness and balance to the work and play time in my life.
Again it literally helps me manage my future ability to take care of myself, as well as
my responsibilities and my mental stability and health.
The second part of my day, switching subjects here, is to when I was setting to the work I was doing tonight down
at church.
The sisters can be real abrupt sometimes.
Really direct and nothing, no politeness spared - just gruffly in their zone and plainly getting work done.
I've stayed committed to my work here and to living in community
thank goodness. It's taught me to be ready to love others - to be ready to work
-- to also self define being true to myself as I go along but stay in adult relationships..carrying out my duties.
The living and working with the same adults feels like a marriage.
It's also desensitized and reoriented my perspective and now we really feel like a die hard team - much like I would
imagine how a military troup might feel and seem.
Again I feel like I am part of a team here - we love each other - and are working beside each other - with the common respect, knowing we're each in our own lane and yet
A good night to you all.
Replies
I love the way you describe your team at the monestary Marky
Nice
I hope that you have a joyful day off to.orrow!!
Big hug sweetie...xo
Thanks Janet!!