grrrr

I'm stuck. I'm stuck in a rut and I don't know how to get out.
My appt with my psychiatrist went okay last night- we are going to up my meds a little. Hopefully with a change in meds and leaving my job soon things will get better.
The Doctor that my dietitian referred me to not even close to being affordable for my parents let alone for me. So I wrote my dietitian and this was her response...
"Hi Steffanie, You're not a failure!  You're just sick right now and you need to use your supports to get better. About the doctor, let me think about it and back to you on Tuesday at our next appointment"
 
Well first off, I clearly am a failure otherwise I wouldn't be in this situation of being sick again. Secondly, yes I am sick- but more so fucked up. Third....blah. I asked her I could just get the tests etc that she wants me to get from my PCP. We'll see.
I feel so blah right  now. Completely out of it. Like I'm not here. I don't want to do anything. I'm dreading going home tonight because I know I'm going to be bored bc the hubby is working tonight. I still feel fat and gross. Like a lump of lard. blahhhhh maybe I'll just go home and go to sleep :(

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I want to give you a great big hug having read this. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE MISSY!! No, no, no, not at all. Hell, if you\'re a failure and as fucked up as you think you, what does that make the true failures in this world?? You didn\'t chose this illness, you don\'t want to feel this way, do you? No. So it isn\'t your fault and you\'re not to blame.
I truly hope that your dietician can help you. You really do deserve to get well very soon.
Lots of love. xxxx
deleted_user
deleted_user

I want to give you a big hug, too. Hun you are NOT a failure! If I said I were a failure because I\'m \"sick\" again, you\'d say I\'m not. So the same goes for you, missy. Like Frankie said, you didn\'t choose this illness. None of us did. It just happens. It\'s not our own fault. Don\'t blame yourself.
I personally think you\'re an amazing person. And I know many others would agree with me.
I hope your dietician can help you. Damn insurance really sucks!
Hang in there.
xoxo