Gotta pull myself together....

A night full of panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. Gotta keep things interesting I guess.. Still extremely anxious and not doing too well.. Would be nice to have someone to talk to about things right now.. Really losing it tonight... Been crying a pretty large portion of my night, and when I wasn't I was pretty damn close to it... Music, video games, and probably netflix are gonna be how I spend the rest of my night.. Don't see myself sleeping much tonight... One of those nights when I really wish I had some friends around here to stay with or something because I really don't feel like being alone.. 
But I know it's better for me to just be alone.. Harder to bring people down and annoy people. Wish one of my friends could skype or something.. Would be close enough to not being alone.. But whatever.. I'll get over it..  Singing loud with my music and getting my ass kicked in COD will work...  Maybe if I can't sleep later then I'll mess with my hair and think about how I want to cut/dye it.. Maybe paint my nails.. Put on a face mask.. See if I can pull myself together. Gotta do something.. I'm scared I'm gonna end up hurting myself again.. And I'm really really trying to avoid that.... 
I don't want this to be entirely negative.. So uhh.. I guess I'll try to come up with a positive ending... 
Well.. This harder than expected tonight... But uhm.. In COD I finally got a positive score of 20 kills and 12 deaths.. Which made me very happy.. And.. uhm.. All of my animals have been extra cuddly.. So that's nice I guess.. Close enough to good things... Will have to work for tonight.