Got through Mother's Day
I made it through another Mother's Day and it was the easiest so far. I hope everyone else made it okay. We were in Tennessee visiting my in-laws. For various reasons, it is not as physically comfortable as our own home. They are older, very cold natured, so we were pretty much hot and uncomfortable. Also our "Queen" sized bed was more like a double and with our two dogs none of us got much sleep. However, I made a long trip from home with no panic attacks and I believe those uncomfortable aspects of out trip helped keep my mind more on my physical discomfort rather than my emotional discomfort.
No one talked about Cassi...sigh...I don't have to tell you how bad that was. Cassi was my in-laws only granddaughter, but they were always closer to their two grandsons. I wonder how much different it would have been if it had been one of them instead of her.
Been feeling a little down since back home, however it is my time of the month so my emotions run deeper than usual anyway...at least that is what I am attributing it to and hoping for so that I know there is an end in sight. I don't know what my purpose in life is anymore and I keep waiting and waiting for it to become known to me.
I ran errands yesterday, by myself, Yay me!!! I can see I have to strike a balance between pushing myself beyond my comfort zones as well as waiting for the time to truly be right.
I sure wish I could find a low-stress part time job that I could truly enjoy...to force me out ore, to force me o get dressed up every day and socialize at least to some extent, but no luck so far. I know I am not ready for a full time job, I still need a lot of time and space to myself, to keep my own company. It's very healing to the introvert within me.
Thanks for reading, All my love,
Gina
No one talked about Cassi...sigh...I don't have to tell you how bad that was. Cassi was my in-laws only granddaughter, but they were always closer to their two grandsons. I wonder how much different it would have been if it had been one of them instead of her.
Been feeling a little down since back home, however it is my time of the month so my emotions run deeper than usual anyway...at least that is what I am attributing it to and hoping for so that I know there is an end in sight. I don't know what my purpose in life is anymore and I keep waiting and waiting for it to become known to me.
I ran errands yesterday, by myself, Yay me!!! I can see I have to strike a balance between pushing myself beyond my comfort zones as well as waiting for the time to truly be right.
I sure wish I could find a low-stress part time job that I could truly enjoy...to force me out ore, to force me o get dressed up every day and socialize at least to some extent, but no luck so far. I know I am not ready for a full time job, I still need a lot of time and space to myself, to keep my own company. It's very healing to the introvert within me.
Thanks for reading, All my love,
Gina
Replies
Glad you made it through Mothers\' day, for one more year. I can so identify with being so uncomfortable. I simply cannot sleep, when I am hot. i have the A/C on and sleep under a ceiling fan. i\'ll bet you were happy to get home, in your own cool home!! Kudos, for running errands, by yourself. Baby steps, but each one counts...
((((HUGS)))), Julia
Well, you got through Mother\'s Day and I remember feeling what is my purpose, I lost my purpose, that is for sure. My whole world with my boy\'s was just gone and I felt I did not have a purpose at all and kept looking for one. Art classes,and anything new I could try or look for... It has been 15 years since my son Jesse passed and almost 5 with out Justin and I still feel like I lost my purpose and I have in a great way. It is less of a sting, but I am still learing to live my life with out them and it is very hard at times for me. I try to stay busy, it helps me a little, but no longer having a purpose of being a mom is very hard getting use to. I know that I will always be a mom, but I don\'t think I will ever get use to this. I hope you find a little something to keep your self busy and that you enjoy it to, job or hobbie. Take care, XOX, Debbie
Grateful you made it through Mother\'s Day and I\'m sorry that Cassi\'s name was not mentioned. If only others could know that their fear of upsetting if they mention our child\'s name is nothing like the fallout of emotions felt when their name is not spoken.
Getting out to do some errands was a big! Way to go and it feels so great to begin to build on these positive steps.
I hope that you will find a part time job in time that will feel like a fit. I understand the need for time for oneself on the healing path and also time to connect with others.
I was just thinking of you, Gina, and here is your journal. I am always so happy when that happens as I believe our connections on this site are far deeper than we might suspect.
Hand in hand, Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
You are definitely making good progress, Gina! Slowly but surely you will find your new goal in this life. Meanwhile you need to take good care of yourself, gently nurturing your broken heart. Being an introvert myself, I know how very important it is to have lots of alone time. I am sorry that your in-laws are so cold hearted..........mine are the same, and that is why I decided to cut them out of my life.
Wishing you a peaceful weekend, my friend!
Gentle hugs!!! xxx
We made it through another big day. You are doing good, being alone sucks. Keep making strides to get out and do something. Window shopping could help you find an interest, that may lead to a part time job you would enjoy. Start is a good word, keep up your baby steps they soon grow into bigger steps.
Tight Hugs
Penny
Oh Gina. I am so glad you had a more peaceful Mothers Day. I can so understand how painful it is when others don\'t mention our precious daughters. CASSI IS!
Good luck in you job search.
Tight hugs, M
.
Very good Gina! So glad that it was a more gentle day than expected.
Perhaps in-laws...feared bringing up Cassi...thinking they would make it harder on you? Remember...others have no idea that we are thinking of them all the time.
Part time job would be perfect!! Maybe a library? Calm and quiet place :)
It is good to hear that Mother\'s Day was easier for you this year. Sometimes they are okay and sometimes they hit us hard. You can tell us about Cassi anytime you want. We perhaps aren\'t related, but sometimes it helps.
Sending love,
Leda
I\'m glad you made it through Mother\'s Day....another year. SIGH
Sounds like you are taking baby steps to learn how to survive this life....I think of you often.....(((((hugs)))) Vicki