Got My Eye Looked At

I went to the doctor today for my eye... he looked at it for all of a second and said it could be some sort of infected blood vessels beneath the skin, so he gave me some antibiotics. He also told me to put some warm compresses on it, so I'm going to do that when I'm getting ready to go to sleep. He says it's not a sty because it's too low. It's in the middle of my lower eyelid, not on the eyelash line. It's right on the bone of my skull where the eye goes in. I hope the antibiotics cure it and I don't have to go to the dermatologist and get it biopsied. I don't know how I would react getting a needle stuck so close to my eye. I would have to be restrained, I think, so I wouldn't move my head. The doctor couldn't give me a referral to a dermatologist, but I know where I can go to see one for low cost. I'm going to call them tomorrow or soon to make the appointment just in case.
I still feel like I wasted money, though, since I didn't get a paper referral and the dermatologist might want one. I called last night and they said in the walk in clinic you could get a referral, but the doctor told me no today. Oh well, at least I have antibiotics to try and clear it up. I did get something from the appointment. I just have no money, you know, and it's hard parting with any penny. It's even worse knowing that Geo has money because he doesn't have the bills that I have, and I'm paying off his birthday present. It's my fault for getting him something so expensive, but he really wanted it and I have trouble saying no. Plus, I was expecting to have a job by now, so I was planning on being able to afford it.
I guess I need to be more assertive with Geo... I know my therapist would say so. It's just when his eyes light up like a little kid's, I just can't say no. I want to spoil him. He's lucky... he has me and another friend who give him stuff. His friend gave him a ton of stuff for his birthday (a DVD shelf and a bunch of Blu-Rays), and I got him his new camera. What we really need is a car, but we can't ask anyone for that (other than family) to help us out. I know Geo has problems being assertive with his family, but who doesn't? I need to remember what my therapist taught me about expressing my feelings in a non-threatening way. It's working with the soda.. he's drinking less of it. I'm just hoping that soon he will be able to cut it out totally, but that's a dream right now, I know.
Mood today was okay... I didn't mind having to wait at the doctor's office and wasn't too bummed when he said he couldn't help me too much. I didn't sleep well last night knowing that I had to be up early this morning to get to the clinic, so when I got home from the clinic I slept for like 4 hours. I was that tired. Plus, I'm coming down from my hypomania, so I'm going to be sleeping more. I just hope that tomorrow Geo's stepmother doesn't wake me too early to go to the store. We need to get the stuff for Thanksgiving, so I need to be on good terms with her at least until then. We are going over to Geo's dad's place for Thanksgiving, so I'm helping her out by cooking the turkey. I love cooking turkey because I know I can do it well.
Calories today was too low... since I slept all afternoon I didn't eat lunch. I might eat something later, but I have a feeling I'm going to go to sleep early tonight. I'm so tired still... I know it's me coming down from the hypomania. I ate about 1,000 calories today, and that was with me trying to get more food in me. I had mac and cheese with dinner and everything. That's the highest calorie thing I can have with dinner, and I drank 2 cups of milk with it. I just don't know what to do. I'm supposed to go to the store tomorrow, but I'm going to the store where some things are more expensive (the essentials) but the Thanksgiving food is cheaper. Plus, the store I normally go to doesn't have some of the stuff I need for Thanksgiving, so I have to go to the other store. I'm not looking forward to it, but I have to go. I need to make a list of things I need to get so I don't forget. I hope I'm not all stressed out tomorrow. Stress and anxiety today were okay....waiting for the doctor wasn't fun, but it needed to be done. Mood has been good, and sleep was poor last night but good this afternoon.  

Replies

ann54
ann54

i am so happy you went to the doctor, i was concerned about that on your eye. you didnt go for nothing, you have an infection and need to take antiobiotics, if you hadnt gone, it would of gotten worse. i understand about money and how to afford everything and also to not saying no to people or not buying things. i think i buy things for close friends and family, esp holidays, to seek love, though i know they love me, so silly. this may be to personal and please dont take offense.... if geo has money, why doesnt he help out with the groceries, doctors, meds etc.... at least a little bit? this would make me so annoyed, have you asked him? as hard as it is about expressing your feelings, non threanting, so true yet so hard. you really do get more and a better responce doing it that way, you did great with the soda. you had a long day so the 4 hours isnt suprising, you are doing the best you can. hugsss