Gosh I go to extremes
I came back to my room tonight. Feeling all happy and buoyant because I was just thinking about what I wanted rather than what was appropriate. (Hard to explain)
Life was satisfying tonight and then when I couldn't figure out what to do and I started to seize up inside.
i started down and down into darkness.
A saving grace was thinking about god. I thought 'he wants me to succeed and survive!" But then too more and more darkness descended.
I realized I had to do something to help myself and so I texted the abbess if I could cancel my serving at liturgy tomorrow. I then kept getting weaker and I thought about expressing my feelings here.
SO thankful for you guys and DS.
Gosh I go to extremes and having wonderful friends to talk to is really a lifesaver.
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Your post reminds me of a dream, I had, many years ago, one night after a day in which I too, experienced some darkness that I couldn't seem to get out of.
In this dream, I was standing on a balcony that was lit up by the light coming out of a sliding glass door that was behind me. I was leaning on a railing next to the top of a spiral stair the went down into the darkness. I could hear people below who were talking but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying so I stood at the top of the stairs, bent over trying to hear what they were saying.
All of a sudden, my glasses slipped off my face and were bouncing down the stairs coming to a stop on the first step. I thought to myself, I need those glasses because I can't see without them. The two people I heard talking were now headed for the stairs and I thought OMG if they step on my glasses, They will be ruined and I won't be able to see! So I ran down the stairs as quickly as I could to retrieve my glasses but I didn't quite make it in time. Luckily the people never crushed my glasses, but stepped over them and avoided crushing them!
I sighed with relief as I put them back on my face, slowly climbing the stairs back to the top. When I got about halfway up the stairs, I saw a white neon sign with black lettering on a wall to the left of me which read :
Sometimes you have to revisit the dark in order to see the light!
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God Bless
perhaps my favorite side effect of accepting the full spectrum of emotions is finding serenity in those extremes. when i can accept them with non-judgmental serenity, i find surprising links and patterns. i don't need a plan of action for every emotion in the mix.
emotions just are. they go where they go like water on the rocks of my life stream.
Gosh Bob you have such amazing experiences!! Thank you for telling me!! It’s fortifying wisdom for sure!!
Thanks Arfie!! That’s a goal of mine!! Praying!!
Sorry you are having these mood swings. (that's kind of what they sound like). Hope the time off from getting up early for your services helped you feel better. Take care , Mark. God will guide you if you ask Him.
Thanks Becky! Xo
Big squishy hug sweetie
I am so glad that you're here venting and getting feedback that helps you...xo
thanks Jan! That's really helpful, and nice of you. I'll be sure to share the same sentiment
with others here. ((((((hug))))))